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| BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 
A Play in Two Parts ! 


AND 


MARC CONNELLY 


SUGGESTED BY 
“Hans Sonnenstoesser’s Hohlenfahrt” 


BY 
GEORGE S. KAUFMAN 
BY PAUL APEL 





BUN WpACN Deiwid Wik Rol'G HT 
PUBLISHERS :: : NEW YORK 


< 





Copyright, 1924, by 
Boni & Livericnut, Inc. 





Printed in the United States of America 





“Beggar on Horseback” was produced by Win- 
throp Ames at the Broadhurst Theatre in New York, 
Feb. 12, 1924, with the following cast: 


Dr, Albert Hice......%. RicuHarp BarBEeE 
Cynthia Mason ........ Kay JOHNSON 

Pre oMChae 644.008 8.53 os Routanp Youne 

+ Gi ania ea Bek Grorce W. Barsier 
BEE. CCOMAY (iho en owas whe Marion Batiou 
Gladys Cady .......... ANNE CARPENGER 
Homer Cady ........--- Oscoop PERKINS 

FA oh d Cee OnE cn a PascaLn Cowan 

RPE Tod's a) SCs a hi aw heete Epwin Arcus 

A Business Man ....... MaxweELt SELSER 
MipavEley 6 fu. stale wig os Sprinc ByineTon 
MUaEAY OIL sb ale sists ae Fay WALKER 

OM AYLETS) var sce te ys ewe ade Cuarues A. House 
A Reporter ........-.- JAMES SUMNER 

OS AL ae te Re aa Paut Witson 
ATG | sete ae wes bos) s ee Waker M. Eris 
A Sightseer ..........- NorMAN SWEETSER 
Se CUT ip ae Bertranp O. Dotson 
A Song Writer ........ CuHappELL Cory, JR. 
WARP APETSE <i. dovls vs Lo ee Henry Mercivue 
EEA Soin ey aaa kts <8 Hamitton McFappEen 


3h § BE 
HOA GUT 


fie 
Dat tees 


rut 





THE PANTOMIME—DURING PART 2 
A Kiss in Xanadu 


ad 
The music of the pantomime, and all other music 
used in the play, composed by Deems Taylor 


a 


H.R.H. the Crown Prince of Xanadu 


GrorcE MiItTcHELL 


H.R.H. the Crown Princess of Xanadu 
GRETHE Ruzt-NIssEN 


First Lady in Waiting........ Spring ByrneTon 
First Lord of the Bedchamber...... Drake DeKay 
PEUISIE CORE aa are ek tly aye bl Tom Raynor 
MMR KMASOCREIERT) MS Ara YS 06 a ee Win) 6) Epwin Arcus 
Cesar and Pompey ....J. Hamittron and H. Jamzs 


Stage Manager, A. O. Huhn 
Assistant Stage Manager, Wallace Stuart 





NOTE: 


“Beggar on Horseback” is the property of Win- 
throp Ames, 244 West 44th St., New York City. It 
may not be acted, either by professionals or ama- 
teurs, without permission and the payment of a roy- 
alty. Public readings and radio broadcastings are 
likewise prohibited. 





PREFACE 


Some of us have been made a trifle ill by a surfeit 
of those magazines which nourish a hungry multitude 
with helpful articles on how unshod newsboys become 
corporation presidents. We have been further 
wearied by the more characteristic American come- 
dies which regard evening clothes and abrupt wealth 
as quite essential parts of a happy ending. It is to 
please us, therefore, that the Messrs. Kaufman and 
Connelly have written this gay, engaging and derisive 
comedy called “Beggar on Horseback.” 

They offer it merely as a relieving antidote to 
the worship of material prosperity. It is a play 
written in the distaste that can be inspired by the 
viewpoint, the complacency and the very idiom of 
Rotarian America. It is a small and facetious dis- 
turbance in the rear of the Church of the Gospel 
of Success. When staged in the very capital of the 
Land of Go-Getters, its gesture is as defiant as that 
made on a not dissimilar occasion by one Barbara 
Frietchie. 

Down in Washington sits a wise doctor who 
would tell them that they are having a bout with 


nothing less formidable than nature itself, that they 
11 


12 PREFACE 


are running counter to a folkway and might as well 
campaign against a climate. Nearer home, perhaps, 
have been neighbors who contributed an ironic 
smile to the spectacle of two young playwrights 
attacking material prosperity in a comedy which, 
during its first Spring, was never content with re- 
ceipts of less than twenty thousand dollars a week. 
One recalls inevitably that their fellow craftsman, 
Channing Pollock, made himself into a gratified mil- 
lionaire by the process of writing a play called “The 
Fool” of which the hero was an unworldly fellow who 
tried to live like Christ. Yet it must be recorded 
that the authors of “Beggar on Horseback” wrote 
as fastidiously and as austerely as though success 
meant nothing to them. Of course that is no bad 
way in which to lure that tassel—gentle to one’s 
hand. 

George S. Kaufman and Marc Connelly are two 
wags from Times Square who have done most of their 
work for the theater together. It has been a for- 
tunate and a fertile partnership. Their collaboration 
has produced such considerable gayeties as “‘Dulcy,” 
“To the Ladies,” and “Merton of the Movies,” 
bright and adult and civilized comedies all three, 
and each agreeably associated in the theater with 
a young and authentic talent. Just as these earlier 
pieces served, and were served by, such able and 
ascendant players as Lynn Fontanne, Helen Hayes 


PREFACE | 13 


and Glenn Hunter, so now Roland Young is part and 
parcel of “Beggar on Horseback,” which was pro- 
duced for the first time in Wilmington on January 
25, 1924, and came a fortnight later to the Broad- 
hurst Theatre in New York. 

This comedy is a derivative of Paul Apel’s “Hans 
Sonnenstoesser’s Hohlenfahrt,’’ a short play pro- 
duced in Germany some ten or twelve years ago. I 
cannot compare the play with its German original 
because I never saw or read the latter, although a 
similar lack of preparation has not cramped the style _ 
of some of my hardier colleagues nor prevented their 
discoursing firmly and at length on the relationship 
between the two scripts. But Ido know something of 
the manner of the adaptation. It was Winthrop Ames 
who bought Apel’s idea and when he turned his two 
young neighbors loose on that idea, all they obtained 
from the German original was such a notion of its 
general scheme as Ames might have imparted to them 
in a ten-minute conversation across the managerial 
desk. Since the same bad dream acted out against 
an American scene was what was wanted, since a 
complete naturalization of the German play was the 
thing sought, this was, I think, the way to go about 
it 

The principle is not new. It is the same as that 
which colored the advice of the sagacious showman 
who, in ordering the dramatization of a popular 


14 PREFACE 


novel years ago, bade the playwright read the novel 
through carefully and then throw it lightly out of 
the window. If this rule of adaptation were more 
faithfully followed, we should have fewer immigrant 
plays which seem to have taken out only their first 
papers. We should have fewer pieces purporting to 
be comedies of American life to which odd and in- 
congruous shreds of alien viewpoint and accent ad- 
here like bits of eggshell sticking to a new hatched 
chicken. We should escape those Parisian amours 
acted out against a Kansas City background. I 
recall an amorous drama in which the lover read a 
copy of the “New York Evening World” by the light 
of a window that looked out on the Eiffel Tower. I 
remember another man-heating play in which the 
cocotte kept up a continuous outcry in such language 
as this: “Sacre bleu, Vil say she is. Ill tell the 
world, mon vieuxr.”” These are trivial discords, of 
course, but they are products and symptoms of im- 
perfect dramatic digestion. One who knows his 
Greenwich Village is hardened to catching Fourth 
Street in the act of crossing Twelfth. But a cer- 
tain hopeless confusion of mind is set up when, in 
sauntering on Main Street, one finds that familiar 
thoroughfare turning unexpectedly into the Rue 
Canebiére or running on blandly wnter den Linden. 

“Beggar on Horseback” is a dream play, an honor- 
able descendant of “Alice in Wonderland.” Such 


PREFACE 15 


scenes as that of the directors’ meeting, the restau- 
rant episode and the mad nightmare climax in the 
cells of the Art Factory (all of which scenes, by the 
way, have no counterpart in the play Apel wrote) 
flagrantly invite the kind of stylicized production 
which is peculiarly suitable to dream plays and 
which is part of that undigested lump in dramatic 
criticism called “Expressionism.” Such experi- 
ments in that kind of staging as one encountered in 
“The Hairy Ape,’ “The Adding Machine” and 
“Beggar on Horseback” are invariably attributed to 
the German influence on the American theater, an 
attribution which does not matter much, although it 
must wring a wry smile from Arthur Hopkins, who 
employed precisely this technique for a kindred play 
called “Poor Little Rich Girl,” which he produced a 
dozen years ago—that delightful comedy written by 
Eleanor Gates, a prairie girl who is about as Ger- 
man as “Huckleberry Finn,” or a stack of wheat. 
ALEXANDER WOOLLCOTT. 


eae a he 
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PART I 





BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


“PART I 


[The scene its Neil McRae’s apartment in a com- 
fortable, run-down and not very expensive build- 
ing. It is plainly an artist’s room, and furnished 
with as many good looking things as the occu- 
pant could afford—which are not many. The most 
luxurious piece of furniture in the room is a grand 
piano, which Neil has probably hung on to with 
no little difficulty. It stands well down left. Down 
right is an easy chair—the only chair in the room 
that even suggests comfort—and against the rear 
wall is Neil’s desk. In front of the desk is a swivel 
chair, and two or three other chairs, stiff-backed, 
stand around the room. At the left of the stage, 
near the piano, is a window, hung with chintz cur- 
tains that have seen better days—curtains which 
come to life here and there in great splotches of 
red. Some of the same stuff hangs wn a centre 
doorway—a doorway that leads to Neil’s bed- 
room and thence to a “kitchenette.” The door 
into the apartment is at the right—somewhere 


beyond it ts the elevator, and one needs only a 
19 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


look at the room to know that it is an elevator 
that requires four minutes to ascend the three 
floors. 

The time is about four-thirty of a Spring after- 
noon. The curtain rises on the room and nothing 
more; then, after a second, there comes a knock 
on the door. The knock is repeated, then the 
knob is cautiously turned and the door slowly 
opens. Dr. Albert Rice, a young man of thirty 
or so, peers inquiringly into the room through 
the widening crack, sees no one, and enters. | 


ALBERT 
Neil! 

[There is no answer; he observes the room. 
Slightly to his surprise, he sees a sewing bas- 
ket on the piano. | 

Are you married? 

[He goes up to the bedroom entrance and veers 

into the semi-darkness. | 
Neil! 

[Cynru1a Mason, who seems to be about 
twenty-five, appears suddenly in the doorway 
at right. There is a moment of uncertainty 
as she and the doctor confront each other. ] 


CYNTHIA 


Are you looking for Mr. McRae? 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 21 


ALBERT 
Yes. The door was open. 


CYNTHIA 
[ Disturbed. | 
Really? Was it wide open? 


ALBERT 
It was closed, but it wasn’t locked. 


CYNTHIA 
Oh! 
[There is a pause of uncertainty.] 
Was Mr. McRae expecting you? 


ALBERT 
No—I just got in from Chicago. Neil and I are 
old friends. My name is Rice. 


CYNTHIA 
Oh! You’re not Doctor Rice? 


ALBERT 
Yes, 
CYNTHIA 
[ Laughing. ] 
I’m so relieved! My name is Cynthia Mason, Dr. 


22 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


Rice. I know a great deal about you. [They shake 
hands. | 
ALBERT 
Of course Neil never writes letters, so you’ve been 
concealed from me. You didn’t know him a few 
months ago, did you, when I left New York? 


CYNTHIA 
No, only since he moved here. I live across the 
hall. 
ALBERT 
Oh, I see. 
CYNTHIA 
[Looking around. ] 
There’s that work basket. [She takes it from 
the piano, then faces the doctor again.] I hope 
you'll forgive me, when I tell you why I lingered. 


ALBERT 
Youw’re forgiven. 
CYNTHIA 
Night before last we had burglars. 


ALBERT 

Really? 
CYNTHIA 
Not on this floor—the apartment below. The 
poor man lost three or four suits of clothes, so 





BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 23 


ALBERT 
[With an understanding smile.] 
So Neil leaves his door unlocked. 


CYNTHIA 
Probably since early this morning. Though I’m 
afraid the burglar who took Neil’s clothes wouldn’t 
do very well. 
ALBERT : 
[ With a look around the room. | 
No, I suppose not. 


CYNTHIA 
[A pause; she turns, with an air of finality.] 
Well, he’ll be here soon. 


ALBERT 
You’re not going? 
CYNTHIA 
I must. Neil has some people coming to tea. 


ALBERT 
[ Bent on holding her.] 
Well—now, how do you know I’m not the burglar? 


CYNTHIA 
Because I don’t believe there are such things as 
gentlemen burglars. 


24 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


[She drops a half curtsy; turns again toward 
the door. | 


ALBERT 
Oh, wait! What did Neil tell you about me? 


CYNTHIA 
Let me see. He said you were extremely brilliant. 
But too versatile. 


ALBERT 
Brilliant, yes. But versatile—on the contrary, 
I’m going to become a specialist. 


CYNTHIA 
Sometimes I wonder what’s happened to all the 
young men who used to become just doctors. 


ALBERT 
They all died of starvation. 
[There is a pause; Cyntruia looks at her 
watch. | 


CYNTHIA 
I don’t know why Neil isn’t here. 


ALBERT 
You don’t expect him to be prompt, do you? 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 25 


CYNTHIA 
But he has some people coming. You may know 
them—their name is Cady. 


ALBERT 
Cady? Not the Cadys from Livingston? 


CYNTHIA 
Yes—do you know them? 


ALBERT 
I’m not sure—I think I used to. You know, I 
lived in Livingston myself, a long time ago. 


CYNTHIA 
So Neil told me. 
ALBERT 
[ Puzzled. | , 
The Cadys? What are they coming for? 


CYNTHIA 
Miss Cady is Neil’s pupil. 


ALBERT 
You mean he’s giving her music lessons? 


CYNTHIA 
He is. 


26 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


ALBERT 
But he’s not a teacher. [He waits for a denial.] 
Is he? 
CYNTHIA 
He must do something. 


ALBERT 
[With a sigh.] 
Things aren’t any better with him, then? 


CYNTHIA 
Well, he isn’t ready to retire. 


ALBERT 
[ With a shake of the head. | 
I suppose he’ll always go on this way. MHe’s so 





—utterly improvident, so 


CYNTHIA 
[Rallying to his defense.] 
Well—he’s really improved in that way. He may 
surprise you. 
ALBERT 
He certainly would. 


CYNTHIA 
He’s saving money! [Her tone changes.] But 
the trouble is—he’s working so hard to get it. 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 27 


ALBERT 
You mean giving music lessons? 


CYNTHIA 
Worse. You’ve got to talk to him—he won’t lis- 
ten to me. MHe’s been sitting up night after 
night 





NEIL 

[Heard in the hallway.] 

Halloo! 

[He kicks open the door and enters. He is 
carrying a pile of books, and on top of the 
pile a music portfolio. He sees ALBERT; 
dumps the books abruptly into the easy 
chair. | 

Albert! Well, I’ll be damned! 

[Tosses his hat into the bedroom; seizes 

ALBERT’s hand. | 


ALBERT 


Mr. McRae, I believe? 


NEIL 
Where did you come from? Chicago? 


ALBERT 
This morning. Of course, you never told me you’d 
moved. How are you? 


28 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


NEIL 
Never felt better! Gosh, I’m glad you’re back! 
You’ve met Cynthia? 


CYNTHIA 
Well, we’ve been talking. I thought I’d caught 
the burglar. 


NEIL 
Did you find him in here? [To Atsert.] How 
did you get in? 


ALBERT 
[ Elaborately. | 
First I turned the knob of the door 





CYNTHIA 
And, as you hadn’t locked it, he had no difficulty 
in entering. [She turns to the books in the easy 
chair.| What are these? 


NEIL 
Why—just some books. 


CYNTHIA 
[Takes one up.] 
“Tife of Charles I.” Neil! 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 29 


NEIL 
Well—I used to be very interested in history, and 





especially 
CYNTHIA 
[ Severely. ] 
The truth, Neil! 
NEIL 


{—I bought them, that’s all. 


CYNTHIA 


Oh, Neil. After your promise! 


NEIL 
Well— [To Auzert.] Just take a look at this 
binding. 
ALBERT 
[Giving no encouragement. | 
Yes. I see it. 


CYNTHIA 
[ Determined. ] 
Neil, where did you get them? 


NEIL 
[ Stel to ALBERT. | 
There was a burglary downstairs, and this fellow 
lost all his clothes. 


30 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


CYNTHIA 
[ Resigned. | 
And you bought these books from him. 


NEIL 


Well—ah 





CYNTHIA 
You work at these terrible orchestrations to make 
a little money, and then—did you go to bed at all 
last might? 
NEIL 


Of course I did. 


CYNTHIA 

Doctor, you will talk to him, won’t you? [She 

takes up her work basket.| Ym sure he hasn’t been 

sleeping—he hasn’t been doing anything he should. 
[ She is heading for the door.] 


NEIL 
I a . 
You’re not going? 


CYNTHIA 
Iam. You have people coming to tea, remember. 


NEIL 
Good heavens, what time is it? 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 31 


CYNTHIA 
Nearly five. I suppose you have everything 
ready? 
NEIL 
Why, yes—lI’ve got—that is, I think [He 
smiles helplessly.| Be a darling and help me, will 
your 





CYNTHIA 

Are you sure you have everything? [Knowing 
well that he hasn’t. | 

NEIL 
{ think so. 
CYNTHIA 

He thinks so. [This to ALBERT, with a smile, as 

she goes througly the bedroom doorway. | 


ALBERT 
She’s charming, Neil. 


NEIL 
Isn’t she? 
[He moves his portfolio from the chair to the 
desk. | 


She’s a designer in one of the big dressmaking 
firms. Did she tell you how we met? 


ALBERT 


No. 


32 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


NEIL 
She lives across the hall. [He raises his voice for 
Cyrnruia’s benefit.] She thinks she can play the 


piano. 
CYNTHIA 
[In the kitchen. ] 
I can! 
NEIL 


You cannot! [7’o Atsert.] One night I knocked 
on her door and asked her to stop. She did. We’ve 
been great pals ever since. [Calling to Cyntuia.] 
Can I help you, Cynthia? 


CYNTHIA 
No, nor anyone else. [She returns.] Do you re- 
member when you last had any tea? 


NEIL 
The other day. 
CYNTHIA 
You have three leaves left. [She exhibits them.] 


NEIL 
[Inspects them. ] 
Four! 
CYNTHIA 
And did you know that your toast machine was 
burnt out? 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 33 


NEIL 

Oh, yes—I forgot. But I’m sure there’s some tea 
—I remember—no, I used the last of it early this 
[He is about to 





morning. T’ll run right out 


start. | 
CYNTHIA 
| Holding him. | 
Neil! 
NEIL 
What? 
CYNTHIA 


Then you were up all night? 


NEIL 
Why—not exactly. 


CYNTHIA 
[T'o the doctor. ] 
He’s been sitting up making orchestrations for a 
cheap little music publisher. Neil, it’s like copying 
bad paintings. Doctor, you must make him stop. 


NEIL 
Well—T’ll go out and get some tea. 


CYNTHIA 
No! You stay and talk to the Doctor. I'll bring 


34 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 





everything over from my place. [ Again she picks up 
the basket. | 
NEIL 
I can’t let you do that. Let me help. 


CYNTHIA 


I will not. [She goes.] 


NEIL 
[More to himself than to ALBERT. | 
I could have sworn I had everything. 


ALBERT 
She'll take care of things. [He is near the win- 
dow.] Come over here and let me see you. 


NEIL 
Now, you’re not going to fuss over me just because 
I’ve been doing some work. 


ALBERT 

No. But I want to look at you. [An orchestra, 
in a restaurant across the street, strikes up a jazz 
tune. It comes faintly through the window.] 


NEIL 
Good Lord, that again! 


* BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 35 


ALBERT 
What? 
NEIL 
That damned cabaret orchestra across the street. 
It begins at five every afternoon. 


ALBERT 
You are nervous, aren’t you? 


NEIL 
Huh? No. I just don’t like that music. 


ALBERT 
Did you work all night? 


NEIL 
Some of it. 

ALBERT 
It’s bad business, Neil. [He feels for his pulse.] 


How many Cadys are*coming to tea? 


NEI, 
Oh, did Cynthia tell you? You remember the 
Cadys? 
ALBERT 
Vaguely. I don’t suppose they’d know me. Do 
they live here now? 


36 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


NEIL 
They moved East a few months ago. Gladys is 
my one and only music pupil. 


ALBERT 
[Watch in hand. | 
Rich, I suppose? 


NEIL 
Lord, yes. Millions. 


ALBERT 
What did he make it in? [He puts away the 
watch. | 
NEIL 
Funny—I don’t even know. Manufactures some- 
thing. 
ALBERT 
[Trying to remember. ] 
Just the one daughter, isn’t there? 


NEIL 
Yes. [Adds, as an afterthought.| There’s a 
brother. 
ALBERT 
[Recalls him, apparently none too pleasantly. | 
I remember him. 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 37 


NEIL 
I had to ask them. For heaven’s sake, stay and 
help out. 
ALBERT 
[ With a laugh.] 
Well, Pll stay a little while. [Feels for his pipe.] 


NEIL 
Try to get away. [Ausert laughs, lightly.] 
Well, what’s the verdict on me? 


ALBERT 
You’re just a little tired, that’s all. Sort of nerv- 
ous. 


NEIL 
Nonsense. 
ALBERT 
Got any tobacco? 
NEIL 


Right there on the desk. 


ALBERT 
[Fooling with the tobacco jar; unable to open 
it.] 
Have you been writing anything of your own? 


38 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


NEIL 
Well, no—only snatches of things. I’m going to 
get back at it soon, though. 


ALBERT 
That’s good. [The jar in hand.] How do you 
open this thing? 


NEIL 
[Takes up a paper knife from the piano—a 
kenife of wory, scimitar-shaped, and with a 
long black tassel hanging from it. ] 
Iuse this. Give it to me. 
[ALBERT hands it over; Netw opens and returns 
it, all without a word. | 


ALBERT 
[Filling his pipe.] 
How old is the daughter now? 


NEIL 
Gladys? 
ALBERT 
Yes. 
NEIL 


Twenty-two or three—I don’t know. Why? 
[He puts the knife back on the piano. |] 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 39 


ALBERT 
How soon will they be here? 


NEIL 
Any minute, I guess. Why all the questions? 


ALBERT 
I just wondered. [T'akes a medical case from his 
pocket and shakes out a pill.) I want you to take 
one of these before they come, and another one later — 
on. 
NEIL 
Good heavens, there’s nothing the matter with: me. 


ALBERT 
I know there isn’t. 


NEIL 
What?’ll they do—make me sleep? 


ALBERT 
They’ll quiet you. 


NEIL 

But I don’t dare go to sleep. In the first place 

the Cadys are coming, and 

[Cynruia re-enters. She is now hatless, and 
carries a folded table-cloth.] 





40 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


CYNTHIA 
I hope you scolded him. [She goes to the desk 
and begins to spread the cloth.] 


ALBERT 
Not enough, I’m afraid. [Pil in hand.] Do you 
think you have a glass of water left? 


NEIL 
[ Starting. ] 
Oh, of course! 
ALBERT 
No, no, I can find it. [He goes into the bed- 
room. | 
CYNTHIA 
[With a glance at the portfolio. ] 
You didn’t let them give you more to do? 


NEIL 
Why, hardly any. It’s all right. 


CYNTHIA 
It isn’t all right. Oh, I wouldn’t mind if it were 
something decent! But it’s perfectly sickening to 
think of your genius being choked to death in this 
way! 
NEIL 
V’ll work on the symphony soon, honestly. 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 41 


CYNTHIA 
And then make up for it by mere hack-work. I 
wish someone would subsidize you. 


NEIL 
That would be nice. [AtBErtr comes back with 
the glass of water.] 


ALBERT 
Here you are! [Gives Nett pill and glass.] 


NEIL 
Oh, all right. But there’s nothing the matter with 
me. [He takes the pill.] 


ALBERT 
How was it? 
NEIL 
I’ve tasted better. [The orchestra across the 
street is heard in another outburst of jazz.) Would 
you believe that people actually enjoy that? Wait! 
I’ve got one here that will be next month’s national 
anthem. [Searches for it in portfolio.]| There 
aren’t any words to it yet, but it’s going to be called 
“Sweet Mamma.” 
CYNTHIA 
Don’t, Neil. Play Dr. Rice the second movement 
of your symphony. 


42 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


NEIL 
Want to hear it? 
ALBERT 
You bet. [He indicates the pipe.]| Do you 
mind? 
CYNTHIA 
Not at all. 
NEIL 
She calls it the second movement because there 
isn’t any first. 
CYNTHIA 
[Finding it.] 
Here! [She spreads the manuscript on the rack. |} 


NEIL | 

You understand this is just a movement. It’s— 
[ He sees place that needs correction.] Oh! [Starts 
fishing for a pencil.| Of course I never have a 
pencil. [Cynruia gets one from his left vest pocket 
and hands it to him.] Oh, thanks! [He makes the 
correction.| It’s just a sketch. Not finished, you 
know. 

CYNTHIA 

But it’s going to be—and soon. [Net starts to 

play, but is not far into it when the phone rings.) 


NEIL 
[Stops playing. ] 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 43 


[ll bet that’s the Cadys. [Goes to the phone.] 
Hello! [Zo Cynrura.| It is. Downstairs. . 
Send them right up, Jerry. 


CYNTHIA 
Good heavens, Ill have to bring the tea things in. 


NEIL 
Why not? 

CYNTHIA 
They don’t want to meet me. 


NEIL 
Don’t be foolish. 

CYNTHIA 
Well—I won’t stay. [She goes.] 


NEIL 
~I suppose I ought to clear things up a bit. 


ALBERT 
[With a glance at the books in the easy chair. ] 

If you expect them to sit down. [Nett carries the 
books into his bedroom. He returns, counts the 
chairs, then tests a spindley-legged one that stands 
centre. | 

NEIL 
I hope nobody heavy sits in this. 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


[ Voices are heard in the hall, and Mr. and Mrs. 
Capvy, Homer and Guapys appear at the open 
door. Mrs. Capy enters first, then Guapys, 
then Mr. Cavy, and Homer. Together they 
make up an average Middle West family. 
They have no marked external characteristics 
except that HomER ts wearing a violent yel- 
low tie. | 


MRS. CADY 
Why, Neil! 
NEIL 


How are you, Mrs. Cady? Gladys. 


MRS. CADY 
After all these years! 


GLADYS 
Hello, Neil! 
CADY 
Well, well, Neil, my boy! 


NEIL 
Hello, Mr. Cady! 
HOMER 
Hello, there! 
NEIL 


How are you, Homer? 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 45 


HOMER 
Not so good. 
NEIL 
[Feeling keenly his position as host.] 
Ah—this is Dr. Rice. Mr. and Mrs. Cady, and— 
Miss Cady and—Cady. 
[ His voice trails off. There are the indistinct 
greetings that follow an introduction. | 


MRS. CADY 
Doctor, did you say? 


ALBERT 
Yes, ma’am. 
MRS. CADY 
Homer, here’s a doctor. 


HOMER 
Yes? 
"MRS. CADY 
Homer’s had a good deal of trouble from time to 
time. Sit here, Homer—in this easy chair. [Homer 
takes the only easy chair.] 


NEIL 

[ Delinquent. ] 
Oh, yes—sit down, everybody. I’m sorry I— 
ah 





46 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


MRS. CADY 
Oh, that’s all right. We’ll just settle ourselves. 
[ She sits in the swivel chair at the desk. ] 


NEIL 
[Stirring up conversation. ] 
Ah—Dr. Rice comes from Livingston, too. 


MRS. CADY 
Really? 
CADY 
That so? 
ALBERT 


Oh, a long time ago. We moved away when I was 
very young. 


MRS. CADY 
I wonder if I—[ There is a sneeze from Homer ]— 
Are you all right, Homer? 


HOMER 
Yes. [Something in his tone says that he is as all 
right as possible, considering where he is.] 


MRS. CADY 
[ Blandly finishing. ] 
knew your people? 





BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 47 


HOMER 
I don’t remember them. [You gather that ALBERT 
just couldn’t have had any people. | 


CADY 
[ At the telephone. | 
Mind if I use this? 


NEIL 
Oh, no, of course not. 


CADY 
Thanks. I left the office a little early. [Takes 
the receiver off .| 


MRS. CADY 
[ Bent on placing the doctor.] 
Let me see. Old Mrs. Rice—— 


CADY 
Cortlandt 8262. 
7 MRS. CADY 
I guess you’re not the same. [There is a half- 
query in her voice.} 


ALBERT 
Well, as a matter of fact, I moved away just after 
you came there. 


AB BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


MRS. CADY 
Oh, I see. 
| GLADYS 
[Producing a box of candy.] 
I brought you some candy for your tea, Neil. 


NEIL 
Oh, thanks. [T’o Mrs. Capy, who is teetering m 
the desk chair.] 'There’s another chair if 





MRS. CADY 
No, I like this. Feels like my rocking chair at 
home. [She sways back and forth.] 


GLADYS 
Mother’s favorite chair is her rocker, 


MRS. CADY 
There’s nothing like an old-fashioned rocking 
chair. 
CADY 
[At the phone.] 
Let me talk to Burgess. 


MRS. CADY 

Mr. Cady says I’m chair-bound. Just joking, you 
know. [She explains elaborately, to ALBERt.] Mr. 
Cady. Says I’m chair-bound. 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 49 


ALBERT 
[Just the news he was waiting for.] 


Oh, yes. 
SIMULTANEOUSLY 
MRS. CADY CADY 
Let me see: there were Burgess? Any word 
two families of Rice out from 6538? . . Hush, 
there, and I remember mother. . . Well, Pil 


that one of them came 
here, just before we left. 
[She finishes in a sibilant 
whisper, having been 
shushed by her husband. ] 


tell you what to do. We 
ought to send a tracer. 

we. hata richie. 
Well, Ill tell you what to 
do—if you don’t hear by 
six o’clock send a tracer. 
That’s all. 


[Capy hangs up: turns to NEtt.] 


CADY 


Much obliged. 
telephone I’m lost. 


When I get a foot away from a 
[He starts for the weak chair; 


Nein makes a movement.| What is it? 


NEIL 
That chair isn’t very strong. 


CADY 


Oh, I'll be careful. 


50 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


NEIL 
[Not exactly at ease.] 
We’re going to have some—tea and things— 
pretty soon now. 


CADY 
[Has taken out a cigar.] 
Match? 
NEIL 
[ Starting. ] 
How’s that? 
CADY 
Match. 
NEIL 


Oh, yes! Right here. [Nem lights his cigar.] 


GLADYS 
[Taking in the room.] 
See, mama, isn’t it cute? 


MRS. CADY 
Yes, indeed. 
GLADYS 
There’s the piano over there. 


MRS. CADY, 

Oh, yes. [Everybody looks at the piano.] Neil 
must play something for us. [It is Remark No. 80 
and purely perfunctory. | 


* 
BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 51 





CADY 
It’s certainly very nice. We’ve been hearing quite 
a bit about you, Neil. 


NEIL 
Is that so? 
CADY 
Hear you’ve become quite a musician since you 
went away from Livingston. 


NEIL 
Oh, I don’t know. 
CADY 
Well, Gladys has been telling us so. So we thought 
we'd come and find out for ourselves. Gave up a golf 
game to doit, too. Play golf? 


NEIL 
No, I don’t. 
CADY 
Play golf, Doctor? 
ALBERT 
I’m sorry. 
CADY 


Well, everybody ought to. Great exercise. Keeps 
a man fit for business. I’d make Homer do it, if he 
wasn’t so'delicate. [Homer shifts in his seat.] 


52 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


MRS. CADY 
Comfortable, Homer? 


HOMER 
[ Carelessly.] 

Um-hum. 
[Cynruta comes in with the tea things.] 


NEIL 

Oh, here we are! I—TI want you to meet Miss 
Mason. She’s brought the things over from her 
place. 


MRS. CADY 
Oh, I see. 
NEIL 
[ Beginning again the weary round of introduc- 
tions. | 





Mrs. Cady and—of course you know Gladys 


GLADYS 
Yes. 

CYNTHIA 
How are you, Miss Cady? 


NEIL 
And Mr. Cady and—another Mr. Cady. [Homer 
does not rise. Mumbled greetings are exchanged. ] 
Miss Mason lives—just across the hall. 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 53 


MRS. CADY 
Yes, so Gladys has told us. Are you a musician, 
too, Miss Mason? 
CYNTHIA 


No, I’m not, Mrs. Cady. 


MRS. CADY 
[Turning to her husband.] 
Don’t she make you think of Elizabeth Merkle, 
Fred? 


CADY 
Well—TI see what you mean. 


HOMER 
[Ever the dissenter. | 
She don’t me. 
MRS. CADY 
Of course Elizabeth’s dark, but there’s something 
about the shape of the face. [To Nett.] You knew 
the Merkles, Neil. Mr. Merkle had the skating rink. 


NEIL 
Oh, yes. Elizabeth was a little girl when I knew 
her. 
MRS. CADY 
She’s twenty-two or three. Twenty-three, isn’t 
she, Fred? 


54. BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


CADY 
Yes, I guess so. 
HOMER 
Lizzie Merkle’s crazy. She’s going to marry Lou 
Carmichael. 
GLADYS 
Oh, did grandma say when it was to be? 


MRS. CADY 
No, I don’t think they know themselves. You 
knew Lou, didn’t you, Neil? [Cynruta ts serving 
tea. } 
NEIL 
Did they live over on Pine Street? 


MRS. CADY 
I think they did. 
HOMER 
No, they didn’t. 
GLADYS 


Hush up! They did. They lived next door to 
Dr. Endicott. 
HOMER 
They did not. They’ve always lived on Mead 
Avenue. 
GLADYS 
Well, I guess I ought to know. Didn’t I go and 
meet his sister once? Remember that tall girl, mama? 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 55 


HOMER 
You’re crazy. 
MRS. CADY 
Lou used to take Gladys to dances a lot. 


GLADYS 


He was a wonderful dancer! [She giggles.]} 


MRS. CADY 
He was with the telephone company. 


HOMER 
[ Scornfully. ] 
Charlie Ferris nearly beat him up. 


MRS. CADY 
Remember when he and Charlie Ferris were crazy 
about Gladys? This girl’s had more boys crazy 
about her, Neil. [Cynruta gives tea to Cavy.] 


GLADYS 
Oh, I never cared for either of them. 


HOMER 
You never let them think so. 


GLADYS 


[Smugly] 
Homer! 


56 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


HOMER 
[To Nett, unpleasantly, as he passes tea to 
him.] 


No, thanks. Tea always sits on me. 


CADY 
Say, I hear your Uncle James is dead, Neil. Leave 
you anything? 
NEIL 
No—Uncle James never had anything. 


CADY 
Too bad. He was a fine man. Everybody was 
sorry when he moved to Boston. 


MRS. CADY 
He was nice. 
[ T'o CynTHIA. | 
We used to sing together in Sunday school when 
we were children. 
NEIL 
I remember you sang in the choir. 


MRS. CADY 
Mama still sings, when she lets herself go. 


HOMER 


We call her Galli-Curci. 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 57 


MRS. CADY 
[ Genially. ] 

They’re always joking me about my voice. But I 
do love old hymns. Your father was a good singer, 
too, Neil. 

NEIL 
I guess he was a better lawyer. 


CADY 
Yes, everybody had a great deal of respect for 
John McRae. 
MRS. CADY 
He was a beautiful character. 


| CADY 
He’d give his money away to everybody. Afraid 
he never made very much, though. Lawyers don’t, 
as a rule. Neil, did you know that when I was a 
young man [I studied law—right in the same office 
with your father? 


NEIL 
No? Did you? 


CADY 
Yes, sir. Had it all figured out to be a judge— 
Judge Cady—till I found out what was the most a 
judge could make. [Puts his tea down, almost un- 
tasted. | 


58 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


CYNTHIA 
Too strong? 


CADY 
No. I’m not much of a tea drinker, 


MRS. CADY 

I guess Gladys and I are the tea drinkers in our 
family. We have it every afternoon. [ NEIL is open- 
ing the candy bow. | 


GLADYS 
Neil’s going to come up and have some with us 
next week. Tuesday. 


NEIL 
Candy? [Mrs. Capy takes a piece; so does Mr. 
Capy. | 


MRS. CADY 

That’s nice. We’ll have some people in. I want 
you to see the new house. My, I don’t know what 
the folks would say back in Livingston if they could 
see it. Remember our house in Livingston, Neil? 


NEIL 
Yes, indeed. [He passes the candy box to Homer, 
who waves it disdainfully aside.] 


MRS. CADY 
[Trying to be bantering.]} 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 59 


You ought to. You were there enough. Every 
afternoon, pretty near. Neil and Gladys would play 
together and I’d go out in the kitchen and make 
candy for them. [She rocks. ] 


GLADYS 
Oh, yes! Wasn’t it fun, Neil? 


MRS. CADY 
We always saved some pieces for Mr. Cady. All 
the Cadys are fond of candy. Aren’t they, Fred? 
[She taps his knee. | | 
CADY 
[ Munching.] 
Guess that’s right, mother. 


HOMER 
I’m not. 
MRS. CADY 
Except Homer. [She resumes, largely to her- 
self.] All the Cadys eat candy. 


CYNTHIA 
And now—if you’ll excuse me. [Rises.] 


NEIL 
Oh, you’re not going? [Homer doesn’t rise with 
the other men. | 


60 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 





CYNTHIA 
I’m afraid I must. 
CADY 
That’s too bad. 
MRS. CADY 


Well, I hope we meet again. 


CYNTHIA 
I just ran in for a moment to be temporary 
hostess. 


GLADYS 


Goodbye, Miss Mason. 


CYNTHIA 
[To ALBERT. | 
I hope I'll see you again. [Shakes his hand.] 


ALBERT 
Oh, I’ll be back in a few weeks. 
[There are further goodbyes. Cynthia goes.] 


MRS. CADY 
[Looking after her.] 
She és like Elizabeth. 


CADY 
[ Noisily.] 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 61 


Well—how are things generally, Neil? Making a 
lot of money out of your music? 


NEIL 
No—with music you don’t make a great deal of 
money. 
CADY 
I don’t know about that. It’s just like any other 
business. Maybe you’re not giving them what they 
want. 
MRS. CADY 
I guess Neil’s doing his best, aren’t you, Neil? 


CADY 
We’ve all got to please the public. Eh, Doctor? 


ALBERT 
Oh, yes. 
CADY 

I’ve got to in my business. Of course I don’t claim 
to know anything about music, but I think I repre- 
sent about the average viewpoint. Now, what I like 
is a good lively tune—something with a little snap 
to it. As I understand it, though, you sort of go in 
for—highbrow music. 


NEIL 
It isn’t exactly that. 


GE ite BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


CADY 
Well, there’s no money init. You know what hap- 
pened to your father. 


MRS. CADY 
Had to scrape all his life. [Turns to AtBErt. | 
Neil’s father. Had to scrape all his life. 


CADY 
A young fellow’s got to look out for his future, I 
claim—got to save up a little money. 


NEIL 
[ Puzzled. | 


Yes, sir. 


MRS. CADY 
[Helping along what is clearly a prearranged 
conversation. | 
In some business, Mr. Cady means. 


CADY 

Yes. Now you take—well, my business, for ex- 

ample. We've always got an opening for—a bright 
young fellow. 


NEIL 
You mean—me—in your business? 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 63 


CADY 
Well, I just mentioned that for example. 


NEIL 
I—I’m afraid I wouldn’t be much good in business, 
Mr. Cady. 
MRS. CADY 
Of course you’d be good. 


NEIL 
I did work once in an office, and I guess I wasn’t 





—very 
CADY 

That’s all right. You’d learn. The idea is you’d 
be making money. Some day you’d maybe have a 
nice interest in the firm. *Tain’t as though you 
couldn’t write a little music now and then in your 
spare time, and we’d be sort of all together. [The 
jazz orchestra is heard again—this time louder.] 


MRS. CADY 
Just like one big family. 


GLADYS 
[Singing and swaying to the tune.] 

Oh, they’re playing “The Frog’s Party.” 
[T'o Neil. ] 


Come on and dance! 


64 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


NEIL 
I’m sorry, but I don’t dance. 


GLADYS 

Oh, so you don’t—but I’m going to make you 
learn. I know a wonderful teacher. [Turns to At- 
BERT.] Dance, Doctor? 


ALBERT 
A little. 
[Guapys and Ausert take a few turns about 
the room. Mrs. Capy hums the tune, not 
knowing the words. | 


CADY 
Great song! A man I played golf with yesterday 
tells me that for the first six months of the fiscal 
year that song’ll make a hundred thousand dollars. 
Write something like that and you’re fixed. That’s 
music. 


HOMER 
We got it on the radio last night. 


ALBERT 
[ Politely.] 
You don’t say? 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 65 


GLADYS 


[Near the piano.] 
Oh, Neil! 


[The three remaining Cavys are grouped with 


ALBERT. | 
SIMULTANEOUSLY 
GLADYS CADY 
[Holds up a piece Couple of hundred 


of music, as NEIL 
crosses to her. | 
What’s this? 


NEIL 
Just something 


working on. 


I’m 


GLADYS 
[ Sotto voce. | 
I want to talk to you 


NEIL 


Oh! 


GLADYS 
Don’t you want to 
talk to me? 


miles away, wasn’t it? 


HOMER 


Three hundred. 


CADY 


Think of that! 


ALBERT 
It’s wonderful. 


MRS. CADY 
I was going to ask 
you, Doctor, if you’re re- 
lated to those other 
Rices. There were two 
daughters, I think. 


66 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


NEIL 
Oh, yes. 


GLADYS 
Neil. 
[Points to a small 
photograph on 
piano. | 


NEIL 


Yes? 


GLADYS 
[Takes up the pic- 
ture. | 
Can I have one of 
these? 


NEIL 
I’m afraid I haven’t 


got another. 


GLADYS 
This was in the Musi- 
eal Courier, wasn’t it? 


NEIL 


Why, yes. 


ALBERT 
No, I haven’t any rela- 
tives left, there. 


CADY 
Live in New York, 
now, I suppose? 


ALBERT 
No, Chicago. I’m just 
here for a flying visit. 


CADY 
Chicago? Don’t say? 
Well, that’s a good 
town. 
HOMER 


Chicago a good town? 
Huh! 


MRS. CADY 

It would be nice if you 
could come up and see 
us, too, Doctor. 


ALBERT 
Thank you, but I’m 
going back soon. 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 67 


GLADYS 
I saw it. You’re pretty 
well known, Neil. D’m 
proud of you. I wish I 
could have _ this 
Only I wish it were of 
you alone, instead of you 
and this other girl, who- 
ever she is. 
[Puts picture back.] 


one. 


NEIL 
It’s just a girl I met 
one summer. 


[A pause. ] 


GLADYS 
Neil? 
NEIL 


Well? 


GLADYS 
Do you like me better 
than you do Miss 
Mason? 
NEIL 
Well, I think 


awfully nice. 


she’s 


MRS. CADY 
Well, do come if you 
can. Any day after 


Thursday. Both 
butlers are leaving, and I 


our 


can’t get any new ones 
to come until after the 
holiday. But we always 
like to have people from 
Livingston drop in. I al- 
ways say if you don’t 
keep in touch with your 
old home town, why your 
old home town won’t 
keep in touch with you. 


HOMER 
I never want to go 
back there. 


CADY 
Well, I don’t know as 
I do either. 


MRS. CADY 
Listen to that man. 
And to think he was 
president of the Board 


68 | BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


GLADYS 
Don’t you think I’m 
nice, too? 


NEIL 
Yes, of course. 


GLADYS 

Because, I think you 
are. You know that, 
don’t you, Neil? 


NEIL 
[Nearly choking.] 
T’m—glad. 
GLADYS 


So, of course, I want 
you to think I am. 


NEIL 


I—do. 


GLADYS 

[ Suddenly. ] 
Oh! That reminds me. 
[ Fishes in her hand- 


bag. | 


of Trade there for five 
mortal years. 


CADY 
[ Thoughifully, 
ALBERT. | 
You know, I think I’ve 
got you placed now. Was 
your father E. J. Rice in 
the lumber business? 


to 


ALBERT 
No, he was an archi- 
tect. 
MRS. CADY 
An architect — you 
don’t say? Put up build- 
ings, did he? 


ALBERT 
Yes, a few. 


MRS. CADY 
Put up any buildings 


in Livingston? 


ALBERT 


Why, yes. 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 69 





NEIL 
What is it? 


GLADYS 
[Bringing out four 
or five small sam- 


ples of colored 
cloths. | 

I knew I wanted to ask 

you something. Which 


do you like best? 


NEIL 
Why, they’re all very 
nice, 
GLADYS 
But don’t you like one 
best? 
NEIL 
I don’t know. They’re 
all sort of—ah—why— 


GLADYS 
Because Id like to get 
the one you’d like. 


[Nem is puzzled. 
She spreads the 
samples on his 


arm. | 


CADY 
Not the First Na- 
tional? 


ALBERT 
No, he designed the 
Mechanics’ Building, 
right next door. 


CADY 
You don’t say? 


MRS. CADY 
Well, that’s 
building, too. 


a nice 


HOMER 
I remember it. 


MRS. CADY 

Mr. Cady had his of- 

fices in the First Na- 
tional Building. 


ALBERT 
Is that so? 


70 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


They’re samples, silly ! 
I’m going from here to 
the dressmaker’s to pick 
one out. 

NEIL 

Oh, I see. 

[He removes 
samples. | 


the 


GLADYS 
[ Pouting. ] 
Of course if you don’t 
care what I wear, why, 


all right. 


NEIL 
[Not enthusiastic. | 
I do care. 


GLADYS 
[Eager again.] 
Well, which one would 
you rather see me in? 


(The blue? 


NEIL 
Yes, that would be 
mice, 


CADY 

I guess there’s been 
quite a building boom 
since you were there. 
That whole block is 
pretty solid now. 


ALBERT 
Really? 


MRS. CADY 
My, yes. You would- 
n’t know the place. 


CADY 
Yes, sir! I guess 
there’s been a good many 
million dollars invested 
there in the last five 


years. 


ALBERT 
You don’t say? 


MRS. CADY 
Mr. Cady put up a 
building himself, 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 71 


GLADYS ALBERT 
I like the pink one my- That so? 
self. 
CADY 


Just a warehouse. Of 
course we still have a 
plant there 





HOMER 
[Heard by himself.] 
It’s half past, pop. [ Rises. | 


CADY 
Yes, I guess we’ll have to be going. [Rises.] 


MRS. CADY 


Ready, Gladys? [Rises.] 


GLADYS 
Yes, mama. [Starts, then turns back to Net] 


SIMULTANEOUSLY 
GLADYS MRS. CADY 
[ Suddenly, to Net.] Well, now, don’t for- 
Oh, Neil! get, Doctor! Come and 


see us, if you can. 


72 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


NEIL 
Yes? 
GLADYS 
I won’t go home for 
dinner—if you don’t 
want me to. 
NEIL 
Well, I did sort of 


think I’d do some work— 


GLADYS 

I'll go with yow to a 
new restaurant I just 
heard about! JTll tell 
you what! I'll only be 
at the dressmaker’s a 
few minutes. 


Then you 


can meet me. 


NEIL 
Well, I don’t know ex- 
actly how I’ll be fixed. 


GLADYS 
I'll telephone you the 
minute I’m finished. 


ALBERT 


Thank you. 


CADY 

Or have a round of 
golf with me some time. 
Play golf? 


ALBERT 
I’m sorry, I don’t. 


CADY 
I remember—I asked 
you before. 


HOMER 
[Impatient.] 
Oh, come on! 


MRS. CADY 
Just a second, Homer. 
Gladys is talking. 


HOMER 
She’s always talking. 


MRS. CADY 
[To ALBERT, with a 
laugh. | 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 73 


NEIL Just like a_ brother, 
But, Gladys, I’m go- isn’t he? 
ing to be tied up, I’m 
afraid, and 





CADY 
Well, goodbye, Doc- 
GLADYS tor. 
Well, anyway, Tl ALBERT 
phone. Goodbye, Mr. Cady. 
CADY 


Come on, Gladys. 


GLADYS 
All right. [J’o Neru.] I'll telephone you from i: 
dressmaker’s when I’m through. 


MRS. CADY 
And, Neil—you’re coming Tuesday, remember. 


NEIL 
Oh, thanks. I’m sorry I couldn’t have had a 
nicer party for you. 


MRS. CADY 
It was elegant. Only next time we come, you must 
play something for us. 


NEIL 
[ll ring for the elevator. 


74: BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


MRS. CADY 
Oh, that’s nice. Come on, Homer. 
[Nerm, Mr. Capy and Mrs. Capy pass into the 
hall. | 
GLADYS 


Goodbye, Doctor. 


ALBERT 
Goodbye, Miss Cady. 
[Guapys follows them out; Homer lingers with 
the Doctor. | 


HOMER 
What about him? Do you know him well? 
| He takes out a box of powders.| 


ALBERT 
Who? Neil? 
HOMER 


Yeh. Is he all right? 


ALBERT 
Why? 
HOMER 
Well, I just like to know things about a possible 
brother-in-law. 
ALBERT 
I see. 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 75 


HOMER 
Gladys is nutty about him. Thinks he’s artistic, 
my God! And did you hear the old man? Just 
because his father was John McRae! 
[Puts the powder on his tongue—takes a glass 
of water. | | 


MRS. CADY 

[In the hall. ] 

Hurry, Homer! 
HOMER 

[ Calling. | 
All right! 

[He swallows the words, drinking at the same 

time. | 

So long. Well, I hope it don’t happen. 

[He strolls out. | 


ALBERT 
So long. 

[The voices of the departing guests are heard 
in the hall. Neil returns; looks back into 
the hail. | 

NEIL 
What was all that about? 


ALBERT 
Oh, nothing in particular. 


76 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


NEIL 
How did you like the Cadys? 


ALBERT 
They seem to be all right. They must be richer 
than mud. Did you hear Mrs. Cady on her “but- 
lers’’? 
NEIL 
No. 
ALBERT 
I never heard of anybody having more than one 
butler before, but the Cadys seem to have ’em in 
pairs. 
NEIL 
[ Laughing. | 
I haven’t been to their house yet. I’m going next 
week, though. 
[His glance going to the door.| 
Say! Homer’s a dirty dog, isn’t he? 


ALBERT 
[ Thoughtfully. | 
Neil, I want to talk to you. 


NEIL 
Good Lord, again? 
ALBERT 
In the first place, I want you to go to bed. 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 77 





NEIL 
At half past five o’clock? 


ALBERT 
You haven’t slept for days. 


NEIL 

But I can’t go to bed now. I’ve got work to do. 
[A second’s pause. | 

You don’t mean I’m sick? 


ALBERT 

No, but you need rest. I want you to put on your 
dressing gown and lie down for a while. And then 
take another one of these. 


[Produces the pills. | 


NEIL 
But I can’t afford to gotosleep. I told you that. 
I’ve got work to do. 


ALBERT 
You can’t work tonight 


NEIL 
IT must. 
ALBERT 
On those orchestrations? 


78 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


NEIL 
Yes. 
[A pause. | 
ALBERT 
Neil. 
NEIL 
What? 
ALBERT 


“I want to talk to you about something else. 


NEIL 
Good heavens! 


ALBERT 
All right, but—somebody has to. 
[Neil looks up, sensing something important.] 
What are you going to do about your work? 


NEIL 
Huh? 
ALBERT 
Your real work, I mean. How much have you 
done since I went away? 


NEIL 

Well, what you heard. And Miss Mason and I 
are working out a little pantomime together. It’s 
going to be a lot of fun 





BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 79 





ALBERT 
How much of it is written? 


NEIL 
A lot. About half, I guess. 


ALBERT 
About half a movement of a symphony and about 
half a pantomime. 
NEIL 
I still have to eat. 


ALBERT 
But Neil, don’t you see—you’re wasting your 
genius! 
NEIL 
Genius, my hat! 
ALBERT 
You’re wasting the best years you'll ever have do- 
ing odd jobs just to keep alive. You’ve got to be 
free to write. 
NEIL 
Well, maybe some day I'll write a popular song 
and make a million. 
ALBERT 
If you ever did you’d either burn it or sell it for 
ten dollars. You'll never make any money, Neil. 
You know that as well as I do. 


80 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


NEIL 
Then what’s the answer? Are you going to sub- 
sidize me? 
ALBERT 
I wish to God I could! But there’s no reason why 
you shouldn’t subsidize yourself. 


NEIL 
What do you mean? 


ALBERT 
I mean the Cadys. 
NEIL 


What are you talking—Oh, don’t be foolish! 


ALBERT 
Why is it foolish? 
NEIL 
Gladys would never—why, you’re crazy! 


ALBERT 
Am I? Think back. How did she behave this after- 
noon? And Papa Cady? “Nice little share in the 
business?” And—well, I know what [’m talking 
about. 
NEIL 
You mean you’re seriously advising me to ask 


Gladys Cady to marry me? 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 81 


ALBERT 
That’s exactly what I’m doing. She’s a nice girl, 
and pretty. You’d have comfort and money and 





time 
NEIL 
[Interrupting, with growing excitement. | 
Well, what about me? Do you think money and 
music and time would make up for everything else? 
No, sir! I’d rather keep on living right here—just 
as I am now—all my life long. 


ALBERT 
Now, now! Don’t get temperamental! If you’ll 





just 
[Cyntuia opens the door.| 


CYNTHIA 
May a poor girl call for her dishes? 


NEIL 
I’m sorry—I should have brought them over. 


CYNTHIA 
[ Detecting a note in his voice. | 
Neil, there’s nothing the matter? 


ALBERT 
I’ve been trying to persuade him to rest, 


82 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


[To Nett. | 
Won’t you go in and—get ready? 


NEIL 
I—I can’t now. 
CYNTHIA 
Neil, please. 
[A pause. | 
NEIL 


All right. But don’t go away. I want to talk to 
you. 
[He goes into the bedroom. | 


CYNTHIA 
He is difficult. 

ALBERT 
Yes, he is. 

CYNTHIA 


I’m glad you’ve taken charge of him. 
[ She is collecting the tea dishes. | 


ALBERT 
He'll be all right. Just needs sleep, that’s all. 
I’m not worrying about him physically so much as— 
well, spiritually. 
CYNTHIA 
I know. Ive been worrying about it for weeks. 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 83 


ALBERT 
You do see his genius, don’t you? 


CYNTHIA 
Oh, yes! He has it, if anyone ever had. 


ALBERT 
And this hack-work—it must be killing his spirit. 


CYNTHIA 
When I think of his keeping on, year after year! 
And he’s such a babe-in-arms about practical things. 
He does so need 
[She hesitates. | 
We must do something, mustn’t we? 





ALBERT 
Yes, we must. 
[A pause. | 
There is a possible way out, you know. 
[A pause. | 
| CYNTHIA 
[ Slowly. | 
Yes, I know. 


[A longer pause. | 


ALBERT 
It’s the only way, I’m afraid. 


84 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


CYNTHIA 

Oh, I’ve been thinking about it ever since she began 

coming here! You really do think it’s the right 
thing for him? The wisest? 


ALBERT 
I’m sure of it. 


CYNTHIA 


But could he be happy? 


ALBERT 

That’s the only way he can be happy, permanently 

—if he’s free to write his music. That’s the most 
important thing in the end. 


CYNTHIA 
It seems—and yet I’m afraid you’re right. 


ALBERT 

We only hurt people by being sentimental about 

them. That’s one of the first things a doctor learns. 
Let’s put this through. Will you? 


CYNTHIA 
Oh, I couldn’t! 

ALBERT 
You can do more thanI can. You’ll be here, and 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 85 


I’ve got to go away. And anyway, a woman can 
always do more than a man about this sort of thing. 
[ Holds out his hand to her.| 
For Neil’s sake. 
[He takes a step away from her as he hears 
Neiu returning. NrEtIt comes back, wearing 
a dressing gown. | 
That’s right! Now! 


NEIL 
Of all the rot! Putting a grown man to bed at 
half past five! 


ALBERT 
Who ever accused you of being a grown man? 
Here! | 
[Produces a pill.] 
Be brave. One swallow and it’s over. 


| NEIL 
Oh, all right—give it to me. 


ALBERT 
Here! 
[New takes it. | 
And another before you go to bed. I’ll put them 
here. 
[He takes up his hat.] 


86 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


NEIL 
You’re going? 


ALBERT 
Got to—dining uptown. 
[Taps Nei lightly with his gloves as he 
passes. | 
Ill look in in the morning. You'll be all right 
then. Good night, Miss Mason. 


CYNTHIA 
Goodbye, Doctor. 
[ALBERT goes. | 


NEIL 
[To Cynruia, who is gathering the last of her 
dishes. | 
He’s been talking to you about me, hasn’t he? 


CYNTHIA 
Why—you and other things. 
[Not looking up. | 


NEIL 


What did he say? 


CYNTHIA 
Don’t you wish you knew—curiosity! 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 87 


NEIL 

I do know. I know exactly. He said the same 
thing to me. He said I was a failure—practically. 
That I’d have to depend on other people all my life. 


CYNTHIA 
Neil, you’re just exciting yourself. You’re tired, 





and you know he wants you to 


NEIL 
No, wait! We’ve got to talk about this, you and 
I. He said more than that. He said that I ought 
to ask Gladys Cady to marry me. 
[A pause. | 
Well! You don’t seem—surprised. 


CYNTHIA 
No, I’m not. 


NEIL 
Don’t you even think it’s—funny, a little bit? 


CYNTHIA 
No. 
NEIL 
Cynthia ! 
[Looks at her for a moment and then with a 
cry. | 


88 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


Oh, Cynthia—dear! 
| Takes her hand. | 


CYNTHIA 
Don’t, Neil !—Please don’t! 


NEIL 
But Cynthia, don’t you know—without my tell- 
ing you—that I love only you and no one else? 


CYNTHIA 
Oh, Neil, please! 

[Then, with an attempt at lightness. | 
This is so sudden! 


NEIL 
[ Hurt. | 
Oh, Cynthia, please don’t! 


CYNTHIA 
Oh, please don’t you! 


NEIL 

You know I love you, Cynthia! Of course you 
know; you couldn’t help knowing! I thought maybe 
you—don’t you, at all, Cynthia? 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 89 


CYNTHIA 
[Regaining control of herself.] 
Neil, let me tell you something. I have seen that 
you were growing to care for me, and ?ve—I’ve tried 
to think what I ought to do about it. 


NEIL 
Do about it! What can you do about it if 





CYNTHIA 
You can do lots of things—if you’re practical and 
sensible. 
NEIL 
Oh, my dear! 
CYNTHIA 


I said to myself, I think he’s beginning to care 
about me more than he ought to, considering how 
we’re both situated, and that nothing could come of 
it. And if I stay here I mightn’t be sensible either. 
So, I’m going away. 


NEIL 


What! 


CYNTHIA 
I’m going to move uptown and live with Helen No- 
land. I’m going tomorrow. 


90 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


NEIL 
Cynthia—do you mean that you don’t care about 
me at all? 


CYNTHIA 
Oh, yes, I do, Neil. I care about you very much. 
I think you’re a great artist. 


NEIL 
Artist ! 
[He turns away from her. | 


CYNTHIA 
And I think it would be the greatest possible mis- 
fortune for your music for you to go on this way, 
living from hand to mouth. So—when Dr. Rice sug- 
gested that you marry Miss Cady, it seemed to me a 
very sensible thing to do. 


NEIL 
[Faces her again. | 
Cynthia—do you know what you’re talking about? 


CYNTHIA 
Perfectly. 
NEIL 
You can’t mean that music or no music I ought to 
marry Gladys. 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 91 


CYNTHIA 
I think you ought to do just that for the sake of 
your music. 
NEIL 
[ Hurt. | 
Oh! You’re like Albert! You think my music is 
the only thing about me that’s worth while! 
[He again turns away. | 


CYNTHIA 

Oh, Neil! 
NEIL 
[ Continuing. | 
It never was me that you cared about—only the 
music. 

CYNTHIA 

I want you to be happy, Neil. 


NEIL 
[Laughs mirthlessly. | 
I certainly got it all wrong, didn’t I? [A pause.] 
Well, goodbye, Cynthia. 


CYNTHIA 


Oh, Neil! Don’t say goodbye like that. 


NEIL 
What other way is there? You’re all being so sen- 


92 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


sible and practical. I might as well be practical and 
sensible too. [Cyntuta starts to speak, chokes up, 
goes out—stifling her tears. After a moment Netw 
turns and sees that she is gone.] My music! [Then, 
less viciously.] My music! [The phone bell rings. 
Nett looks toward it—plainly, Guapys has finished at 
the dressmaker’s. Fora second he hesitates; then he 
makes up his mind and strides to the phone. There 
is grim determination in his voice, from the opening 
greeting.| Hello, Gladys! 


GLADYS 
[Over the phone.] 
Hello, Neil! 
NEIL 
Well, is the fitting over? 
[He stifles a yawn; the pills are beginning to 
work. | 
GLADYS 
Yes, but it wasn’t a fitting. 


NEIL 
Well, whatever it was. 


GLADYS 
I took the pink one. 
NEIL 
The pink one. That’s fine. 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 93 


GLADYS 
Oh, you don’t care which at all! 


NEIL 
Of course I care which. 


GLADYS 
Can you meet me? 
NEIL 
Well, I don’t think I can do that. 


GLADYS 
What? 
NEIL 
I say I can’t go out. The doctor says I must stay 
in for a while. 
GLADYS 
Oh, my goodness! Are you sick? 


NEIL 

Oh, no. Just tired. Really, that’s all. I have to— 

sleep for about an hour. [He is growing momenta- 
rily more listless. ] 


GLADYS 
Oh, dear! 
NEIL 
Well, why don’t you come up here instead? 


94 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


GLADYS 
Shall I? 
NEIL 
Of course. 
GLADYS 
Why? 
NEIL 


Well, there’s something I want to say to you, to 
ask you—something we all want to—I mean some- 
thing I want to ask you 





GLADYS 
I wish I knew! 
NEIL 
Maybe you do know. We thought—that is, I 
thought—how would you like to marry a great com- 
poser? [The receiver nearly falls from his grip.] 


GLADYS 
Oh, darling! Do you mean it? 


NEIL 
Sure I mean it. 
GLADYS 
Of course [’ll marry you! 


NEIL 
Would you, honestly? 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 95 


GLADYS 
Yes, indeed ! 
NEIL 
Well, that’s fine. We’ll show them, won’t we? 


GLADYS 
Who? 
NEIL 
Oh, everybody. 
GLADYS 
Can I tell them? 
NEIL 


Yes, tell them all. Homer and. 





GLADYS 


Oh, darling, I’m so happy! 


NEIL 
[ His tone dull. ] 
Well, ’'m happy, too. 


GLADYS 
Let me hear you say “Sweetheart.” 


NEIL 
Do I have to say it? 


96 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


GLADYS 
Of course. 
NEIL 
[Barely audible. ] 
Sweetheart. 
GLADYS 
Go ahead. 
NEIL 
Didn’t you hear it? 
GLADYS 
No. 
NEIL 
| Victously. | 
Sweetheart ! 
GLADYS 
Do you love me? 
NEIL 
Of course I do. 
GLADYS 


Well, I’ll come over in about an hour. 


NEIL 

‘All right. [A sleepy pause.] In about an hour. 
You come, and—TI’ll sleep for an hour. Tll—sleep. 
[He tries to replace the recewer, but is too sleepy. 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 97 





It dangles from its cord. Nxt. rouses himself from 
the chair with difficulty.| And that’s that! [Across 
the street the jazz orchestra begins again to play 
“The Frog’s Party.” It seems louder than before— 
already Nuti’s imagination is causing it to swell. 
He wheels toward the window.| Now go ahead and 
play! [He staggers to the easy chair and drops into 
it.]| Play the wedding march, damn you! Play the 
wedding march! [The tune resolves itself into a 
jazzy version of Lohengrin’s Wedding March. At 
the same time Nett finally collapses into the chair, 
and the lights of the room begin to go down. As it 
grows dark the music swells. Then, after a moment, 
tt begins to grow light again—but it is no longer 
Neiu’s room. It ts a railway station, with the arch 
of Track 37 prominently visible, and other arches 
flanking it at the side. A muddled train schedule is 
printed on the station walls, with strange towns that 
mever existed. NeEtu’s piano, however, has remained 
where it was, and so has his easy chair. Then, down 
the aisles of the lighted theatre, there comes suddenly 
a double wedding procession. One section ts 
headed by Mr. Capvy and Girapys—Mnr. Capy in golf 
knickers and socks, knitted vest, and frock coat, with 
a silk hat prominently on his arm. Guapys is the 
gorgeously attired bride, bearing proudly a bouquet 
that consists entirely of banknotes. Behind them 
stream four ushers—spats, frock coats, and high 


98 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


hats, to say nothing of huge bridal veils, draped over 
their heads. If you could peer beneath their veils, 
however, you would find that all four of them look 
just alike. The procession that comes down the 
other aisle is headed by Mrs. Capvy and Homer. 
Mrs. Capy wears a grotesque exaggeration of the 
dress that Nei has seen her in, and Homer’s yellow 
tie has assumed tremendous proportions. Behind 
Mrs. Capy and Homer are four bandsmen. Like the 
ushers, they all look alike, all wearmg bridal veils, 
through which they play their instruments. ] 

[At the foot of the stage the processions halt; 
the music stops. ALBERT appears from no- 
where in particular; he has turned into a min- 
ister. | 

GLADYS 
Oh, Neil! 
NEIL 

[In his sleep. ] 

Huh? 


[AuBert gently rowses him.] 


ALBERT 
Neil! Did you forget that you were being married 
today? 
NEIL 
Oh! Why—I'm afraid I did. [He looks wonder- 
ingly at the railway station, then turns amd sees 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 99 


Guapys.] Oh, hello, Gladys! I’m sorry. [The two 
processions stream up onto the stage. The ushers 
and the bandsmen line up behind the Cavy family.] 


GLADYS 
Neil, I want you to meet my ushers. They’re all 
boys I used to know pretty well. [As Guapys be- 
gins the introductions the entire thing turns into a 
rhythmic chant, to an orchestral accompaniment. | 
This is Alf and this is Georgie. 


NEIL 
Glad to meet you! 
ALF 
Glad to meet you! 
GLADYS 
This is Steve. 
NEIL 
I’m glad to meet you! 
| GLADYS 
This is Fatty. 
NEIL 
How d’you do? 
GLADYS 
This is Lou. 
LOU 


I’m glad to meet you! 


100 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


NEIL 
Glad to meet you! 
LOU 
Glad to meet you! 
GLADYS 


And this last is Cousin Harry. 


HARRY 
Glad to meet you! 

NEIL 
How d’you do? 

CADY 


Hurry up, now! Let’s get at it! 


ALBERT 
Take this man to be your husband? 
[A trainman, in uniform, enters through the 
gates of the railway station. ] 


TRAINMAN 
Wolverine, for Monte Carlo! 


ALBERT 


Have and hold him... 


GLADYS 
Yes, I do! 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 101 


[They all begin to rise and fall on their toes, to 
the beat of the music. ] 


ALBERT 
All your worldly goods and chattels. ... 
[A trainboy, carrying the usual magazines, 
chocolates, etc., comes through the gates. | 


TRAINBOY 
Latest magazines and papers! 


MRS. CADY 
Going off to leave her mama! 


HOMER 
Say, it’s cold here! Ah, ker-choo! 
[The ushers begin to march around Guapys and 
Nex, faster and faster. | 


CADY 
Train pulls out in just a minute! 


ALBERT 
Both for richer and for richer... . 


TRAINMAN 
Pasadena, Paris, London! 


102 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


ALBERT 
Better, worser ... 
GLADYS 
Sure I will! 
CADY 


Special car Appolinaris! 
[Guapys is kissing the ushers as s they march. | 


TRAINBOY 
Nothing sold after the train leaves! 


MRS. CADY 
Don’t know what I'll do without her! 


TRAINMAN 
Show your tickets! 
HOMER 
Ma, keep still! 
CADY 


Get aboard! I'll tip the preacher! 


TRAINMAN 


Right this way, please! Right this way, please! 


TRAINBOY 
Huyler’s ‘chocolates and bon-bons! 
y 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 103 


MRS. CADY 
Oh, my baby! 
HOMER 
Oh, good Lord! 
TRAINMAN 


Lenox, Palm Beach, Narragansett! 


ALBERT 
I pronounce you—got the ring, Neil? 


ALL THE USHERS 
Bet he’s lost it! Bet he’s lost it! 


GLADYS 
Here’s another! 
TRAINMAN 
All aboard ! 

[The procession starts through the gates—At.- 
BERT and Cany first, then the rest of the 
Capys, then the ushers and the bandsmen. 
As they all file through the ushers continue 
the chant, calling out in unison: | 

Well, goodbye! Congratulations! 
Goodbye, Gladys! Goodbye, Gladys! 
Send us back a picture postal! 

Hope you’re happy! 

Well, goodbye! 


104 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


[Guapyrs tosses her bouquet back to them; the 


ushers scramble for the banknotes. As the 
last of the procession disappears through the 
doors the lights die down. A moment later 
they come up again, revealing a row of white 
marble columns, with crimson curtains hung 
between them. NeEtt’s piano, however, is stil 
mmcongruously in the left corner, and his easy 
chair stands at the right. Immediately Net. 
and Guapys enter through side curtains. 
Nein 2s stil wearing his bathrobe—a some- 
what sad spectacle amid all this grandeur. 
Guapys is no longer in bridal costume, but 
wears a pleated dress—an exaggeration of 
the dress that she has worn in real life, with 
great pleats several inches thick.] 


GLADYS 


We’re married, Neil! - 


NEIL 
Yes. 
’ GLADYS 
I’m your little bride. 
NEIL 


My little bride. 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 105 





GLADYS 
[ Giggles. ] 

Isn’t it all just too wonderful? [Runs into his 
arms.| 'This is our beautiful home—see! [The cur- 
tams behind the front columns part, revealing a mag- 
nificent interior consisting entirely of more marble 
columns and velvet curtains.] You’re going to have 
everything you’ve always needed! Mama and papa 
both say so! 


NEIL 
Oh! Do they? 


GLADYS 
Yes, indeed! You just wait—they’ll be here any 
minute! 
NEIL 
They’re coming here? 


GLADYS 
Of course they are! There’re a lot of people com- 
ing—all coming to see our beautiful new home! Wait 
a minute—I’ll show you! [Calls.] | Butlers! [Two 
butlers appear. They are exactly alike.) An- 
nounce somebody! 


THE TWO BUTLERS 
Mrs. Cady and her chair and knitting! 
[Mrs. Capy enters with a rocking chair at- 


106 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


tached to her. She begins knitting immedi- 
ately. The two butlers depart.] 


MRS. CADY 

Two little lovebirds! Gladys and Neil! Gladys 
and Neil! Are they happy? Oh, my dear, you never 
saw anyone so happy! I was saying to Mr. Cady, 
“Well, Mr. Cady, what do you think of your little 
daughter now? [She sits.] How’s this for a happy 
family?” And Mr. Cady says to me, “Well, I never 
would have believed it.” And I says to Mr. Cady, 
and Mr. Cady says to me, and I says to Mr. Cady, 
and Mr. Cady says to me, and I says 





NEIL 
Stop! [Mrs. Capy stops.] So—so youw’re my 
wife’s mother? 
GLADYS 
Why, of course she is! I think she’s a pretty nice 
mother-in-law, don’t you? Most people don’t like 
their mothers-in-law, but I think she’s pretty nice. 


NEIL 





But is she going to be—always 


GLADYS 
Yes, indeed! Won’t it be lovely? And that isn’t 
all! [Calls.] Butlers! [Four butlers enter.] 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 107 


THE FOUR BUTLERS 
Mr. Cady, her father! 
[Mr. Cany enters. He is in complete golf at- 
tire, and there is a telephone attached to his 
chest. As he enters the butlers depart.| 


CADY 
[Into the telephone.] 

Yep! Yep! Hullo! Well, I'll tell you what to 
do! Sell eighteen holes and buy all the water haz- 
ards. Yep! Yep! Hullo! Well, P’ll tell you what 
to do! I expect caddies will go up any time now. 
How’s the eighth hole this morning? Uh-huh. Well, 
sell it in three. Yes, sir. That’s fine. Yep! Yep! 
Hullo! Well, Pll tell you what todo! Buy 





NEIL 
No, no! [Canpy stops; looks at Neiz.] You must 
stop—both of you! Do you know me? 


CADY | 
My son! My new son! Well, Neil, how’s the nice 
music and everything? Making a lot of money? 


NEIL 
Are we all going to live together? 


* 


108 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 





GLADYS 
Yes, indeed, darling. 


CADY 
Yes, indeed. 
MRS. CADY 
Yes, indeed. 
GLADYS 


And that isn’t all. [Stax butlers enter. Of course 
they are all alike.] Dve another surprise for you! 


THE SIX BUTLERS 
Her brother, Homer. He makes me sick. 


FIRST BUTLER 
I don’t think he’s sick at all. [The butlers go. 
Homer enters—the yellow tie is bigger than ever.] 


HOMER 
Oh, there you are, you dirty dog! I’m on to you! 
You married her just because Dad’s got a lot of 
money, and you think you’re going to have a cinch. 
But if you think you’re going to get all of Dad’s 
money, you’re mistaken, because I’m going to get my 
share and don’t you forget it. 
[He makes straight for the easy chair, sits wm tt, 
and sneezes. | 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 109 





MRS. CADY 
Now, Homer! Homer’s sick. 


CADY 


Yes, he’s sick. 


GLADYS 
It’s all right, dearest. 


NEIL 
It isn’t all right. I don’t want the money. Ali I 
want to do is write my music. That’s what I want to 
do—work. Do you think I'll be able to? 


GLADYS 
Why, of course you will, dear. We’ve just had 
this whole room done over for you to work in. 


MRS. CADY 
It’s awfully pretty, Neil. 


CADY 
Cost a lot of money, too. [His phone rings.] 
Hello! . . . No—wrong number! [He hangs up.] 


GLADYS 
Don’t you just love it, Neil, keeping house to- 
gether? Say “Sweetheart!” 


110 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


NEIL 
[ Automatically. | 
Sweetheart. 
GLADYS 
And next week we’re going to have everything done 
over in some other color. Here are the samples— 
the samples. [She produces another set of samples, 
larger than those used in real life.] Now which color 
would you like? It’s going to be whichever color you 
like. 
NEIL 
Why, any one. [He removes the samples from his 
arm. | 
HOMER 
Make him pick one! Make him pick it! 


GLADYS 

Here, [ll tell you! You stop in and get them 
matched! Get some of this one, and some of that 
one, and maybe some of the other one—on your way 
home from business tomorrow. It’ll give you some- 
thing to do. 

NEIL 
Am I going to business tomorrow?r 


CADY 
Yes, sir! Start right in at the bottom and work 
up. Learn all the ins and outs. Lots of people think 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 111 


the ins and outs don’t amount to anything; but you 
can’t get anywhere in business without them. 


NEIL 
But if I have to go to business tomorrow I’d like 
to work on my symphony now—if you'll only go. 


HOMER 
Huh! The symphony! 


GLADYS 
That old thing! 
CADY 
That’s no good! 
MRS. CADY 


I wouldn’t have it in the house! 


NEIL 
But it is good—and I’ve got to finish it. 


CADY 
Highbrow music—that’s what it is. 


NEIL 
Well, then, Pll work on the pantomime—that’s 
not so highbrow. [He goes to the piano.] 


112 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 





MRS, CADY 

For my part I like hymns. There’s nothing like 

the old familiar hymns. [She sings—‘Oh, Blessed 
Be the Tie That Binds.’’] 


GLADYS 
Anyhow, you can’t work now. It’s tea time! 


MRS. CADY 
[T'o the tune of the hymn.] 
Yes, tea time! It’s tea time! It’s tea time! 


CADY 
So it is. [Into his phone.] Hello! . . . Don’t 
disturb me now—I’m busy. . . . Tea! 


CADY 
Quite a crowd coming this afternoon. 


MRS. CADY 
Yes, coming to meet Neil! Yes, Gladys and Neil! 
Gladys and Neil! 
GLADYS 
Now, Neil, you be nice to everybody. I want you 
to make a nice impression. [Hight butlers enter.] 


THE EIGHT BUTLERS 
A friend of her family’s. [The butlers go. No 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 113 





one enters, but apparently the Capys see someone. 
They greet the invisible guest. ] 


GLADYS 
How do you do? 
CADY 
How do you do? [They bring her down to Mrs. 
Capy. | 
MRS. CADY 
How do you do? Oh, what a nice new ear trumpet! 


GLADYS 
I’m so glad you were able to come! [Nett peers, 
trying his best to see what it is all about. ] 


MRS. CADY 
Well, it’s wonderful to see you again! 
GLADYS $. 
Doesn’t she look well, mama? 


MRS. CADY 
You’re the picture of health! No one would ever 
say you had an operation. I say—no one would ever 
say you had an operation. Yes, it always does it if 
you were heavy before. Oh, was it a year ago? 
Well, tempus does fugit, as Homer says. You re- 
member Homer? 


114 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


HOMER 
I said hello. 
MRS. CADY 
Homer’s sick. 
GLADYS 


Oh, Neil! I want you to meet an old friend of 
mama’s. She’s deaf. You'll have to talk loud. 
[ Ten butlers enter. ] 


THE TEN BUTLERS 


Another friend of the family’s! [The butlers go.] 


GLADYS 
[Greeting the newcomer. ] 
How do you do? 
CADY 
How do you do? 
GLADYS 
So glad to see you again. And little Hattie! Oh, 
look, mama! [Capy and Guapys bend over, as 
though greeting a child. | 


MRS. CADY 
Why, if it isn’t little Hattie! Look, Gladys! 
Isn’t she cunning? 
GLADYS 
Isn’t she? Those cute little curls! Do you want 
to meet your great big cousin Neilie? Neil, darling; 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 115 


this is your little cousin Hattie. Isn’t she a big girl? 
Say something cute to her. [Gtapys turns away 
from Netix and he passes his foot over the spot where 
the child ts supposed to be.] 

[ Twelve butlers enter. | 


THE TWELVE BUTLERS 
A great many other friends of the family. 


FIRST BUTLER 


And all pretty terrible, if you ask me. [They go.] 


CADY 
Hello, Alf! You remember Mrs. Cady? 


HOMER 
Hello, Fatty. 
MRS. CADY 
How do you do? 
CADY 


Say, I called you up a couple times but couldn’t 
get any answer. 


GLADYS 
Why, how do you do, Alf? I’m awfully glad you 
were able to come. Oh, Neil! I want you to meet 
an old friend of papa’s. He’s known me ever since I 
was—how high? Yes, but you couldn’t lft me now. 


116 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


[The invisible guest tries to lift her and fails. She 
giggles. | 


[Butlers enter with imaginary trays.] 


MRS. CADY 
And now we'll have some nice tea to drink. 


HOMER 
[ Probably to Farry. | 
He married Gladys for her money. 


MRS. CADY 
And then Neil will play for us. 


GLADYS 
Oh, hello! Haven’t seen you in a long time! No, 
I guess I wasn’t engaged then. 
[It ts a Babel. The Cavys are all speaking to- 
gether, moving around and greeting guests. 
Neit moves through it all, walking through 
guests, passing his hands through the butlers’ 
trays—bewildered. | 


CADY 
Oh, hello, Ralph. I want you to meet my new son- 
in-law. Neil, this is Mr. Umn. 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 117 


GLADYS 
Oh, have you been out to California? Did it rain 
much? 
CADY 
Yes, he’s going to be very valuable to me in busi- 
ness, too. 
HOMER 
I'll bet he’s rotten. 


CADY 
But after all there’s nothing like business. It'll 
all be his when I retire—his and Homer’s, his and 
Homer’s. [Slaps Netz on back. ] 
[The following four speeches are spoken simul- 
taneously. | 


MRS. CADY 

Well, Miss Mmmm, you know Mmm, don’t you? 
He’s a cousin of John’s who knew Francis very well. 
She’s Ted’s aunt. Yes. It’s such a long time since 
you’ve been to see us. Gladys is always saying: 
“Mama, why is it Mrs. Mmm doesn’t come and visit 
us, or why don’t we go out and see her?” and all like 
that. You know Mrs. Mmm, don’t you? You’ve 
become very plump, or you’ve become very thin. 
You don’t mind my not getting up, do you? Mr. 
Cady always says I’m chair-bound. But that’s his 
way of making a joke. He’s always making a joke. 
You know Neil, of course. Would you like to have 


118 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


Neil play for us? Would you like to have Neil play 
for us? Neil, play for us. 


HOMER 

Look at him, the dirty dog! He married her for 
her money all right, but if he thinks he’s going to get 
it he’s got another think coming. Pop’s going to put 
him in the business! Huh! He thinks he’s going to 
get the business, too. Well, ’ll show him—the dirty 
dog! He isn’t going to get the business away from 
me—not while I’m alive and kicking. All because 
he’s a musician. Yes, he thinks he plays the piano. 
Well—let him play it and see if I care. I dare him 
to play it. Go on and play for us. 


MR. CADY 

Well, well, well! You know Judge Mmm of 
course. Old man, I want you to meet the Judge. 
Yes, they’ve got a very beautiful home here. Would 
_ you like a cocktail, eh? Yes, sir! Well, Judge, 
how’s everything been going? Say, you know Mr. 
Mmm, don’t you? How are you? How have you 
been all these years? Have a cocktail—that’s the 
boy. Yes, she’s a big girl now. Grown up—amarried. 
That’s her husband there. That’s the one I bought 
for her. Very talented. I'll get him to play. Neil, 
we'd like to hear you play. Come on, Neil, play | 
something on the piano. 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 119 


GLADYS 

Oh, how do you do, Aunt Gertrude? You know 
Willie, of course. Willie, you remember Aunt Ger- 
trude. Aunt Gertrude, you remember Willie. Yes, 
this is our beautiful home. My husband’s very tal- 
ented. No, you didn’t interrupt him a bit. He’s 
awfully glad you came. He wasn’t going to do any- 
thing this afternoon. Anyway, we always have tea. 
And if it isn’t tea, it’s something else. We’re always 
having such a good time, Neil and I. Yes, that’s my 
husband there. He plays the piano beautifully. 
Shall I get him to play? I think he would if I ask 
him. Oh, Neil, darling, play something. Please, 

Neil! Neil, for my sake, you'll play, won’t you? 
[Mr. and Mrs. Capy, Guapys and Homer reach 
the “Come on and play’ lines simultane- 

ously. | 
THE CADYS 
Play something for us! Play something for us! 
Play something for us! 


NEIL 
[In quiet desperation. | 
All right. [Crosses to piano, seats himself and 
turns on them.] Tl play, but Pll play what I want 
to—and I don’t think you'll like it. 
[He plays—music that is soft and flowing, and 
reminiscent of Cyntuia. The lights fade on 


120 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


the Cavys and their reception; the curtains 
fall. Through the window by the mano 
comes CYNTHIA. | 


NEIL 
[As he continues playing. | 
Cynthia! I thought that would bring you—I 
hoped so. 


CYNTHIA 
Of course, Neil, dear. 


NEIL 
Cynthia, it was a mistake! I’m terribly unhappy! 


CYNTHIA 
I’m so sorry, Neil. Because I want you to be 
happy, always. 


NEIL 
But I can’t be happy with these people. I should 
have married you, Cynthia. I wanted to, you re- 
member? But you wouldn’t. And now it’s too late. 


CYNTHIA 
Yes, it’s too late. And I’m sorry, too. 
“) ry, 


NEIL 
I don’t want you to be sorry, Cynthia. I don’t 
want you to regret anything. It was all my own 
fault. [Nztw’s music turns to jazz as he plays.] 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 121 





CYNTHIA 
Oh, Neil, don’t let your music do that! [She be- 
gins to draw back into the window. ] 


NEIL 
[Desperately, as the music becomes more and 
more jazzy. | 
I can’t help it! It’s these people. D’m trying— 
but I can’t help it. [Cynruta’s image begins to 
fade.]} No—no! Don’t leave me, Cynthia! I need 
you! Don’t leave me with these people! They don’t 
understand! ‘They never can understand! [But 
CyntTuia is gone now. Netw ends the jazz music 
with a treble crash, and buries his head on the key- 
board. Immediately Mr. Capy enters—his hat on 
and a morning newspaper in his hand. ] 


CADY 
[As he passes.] 

Hurry up, Neil! Mustn’t be late for business. 
[An elevator man, the same who was the trainman 
during the wedding scene, enters from the other side 
and meets Mr. Capy at cenire.] Good morning, 
Jerry. 

ELEVATOR MAN 

Good morning, Mr. Cady. Express elevator going 
up! Watch your step! 

[Ne looks up. There is no elevator, but this 


122 REGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


tume even Nuit is persuaded, and he believes 
that he sees it. Four business men, all with 
hats and newspapers, and all looking just 
alike, enter one at a time and step into the 
imaginary elevator. | 





CADY 
[To the first of them.] . 
Good morning! Made it in twenty-eight minutes 


this morning! 


FIRST BUSINESS MAN 
Good morning! I got the eight-six this morning! 


SECOND BUSINESS MAN 
Good morning! I missed the seven-forty-three. 


THIRD BUSINESS MAN 
Good morning! I always take the nine-two. 


FOURTH BUSINESS MAN 
Good morning! I thought you were on the eight- 
sixteen. [Netu gets into the car; the men huddle to- 
gether. | 
STARTER 
[Clicking his signal.] 
All right! ‘Twentieth floor first stop! 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 123 





CADY 
No, sir, I wouldn’t sell under a million five! No, 
sir, a million five! Oh, good morning, Neil! 


NEIL 
Well, I’m starting. 


| CADY 
Good boy, Neil! I want you to meet some of my 
associates. This is my son-in-law, gentlemen. Just 
bought him for my daughter. Mr. Canoo, statistical 
department. 


FIRST BUSINESS MAN 
Four out! 

[4s Mr. Cany thus introduces him the First 
Business Man walks out of the elevator, and 
goes off, paying no attention to Nuit, who 
nods at his retreating back.] 


CADY 
Mr. Deloo, traffic department. 


SECOND BUSINESS MAN 
Five out! [He goes.] 


CADY 
Mr. Meloo, tax department! 


124 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


THIRD BUSINESS MAN 
Six out! [He goes.] 


CADY 
Mr. Beloo, general department. 


FOURTH BUSINESS MAN 
Eight out. [He goes.] 


CADY 

Well, well, Neil, starting in to work? You'll like 
it. You’ll learn the ins and outs in no time. Hey! 
Wait a minute. I said nine out! [He goes.] 


NEIL 
Excuse me, Jerry! Can you tell me where I can 
learn the Ins and Outs? 


STARTER 
Ins and Outs Department! Room three hundred 
and thirty-three and one-third. Try and find it. 
[He goes.] 
NEIL 
Thank you. 
[The curtains between the marble columns at 
right part. A small office is disclosed. Muss 
Hey, a stenographer, is typing at a small 
desk behind a railing. ] 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 125 


NEIL 
I beg your pardon? 
MISS HEY 
Well? 
. NEIL 
I want a pencil. 
MISS HEY 
[ Stil typing. ] 
What is it? 
NEIL 
I want a pencil. 
MISS HEY 
Who sent you? 
NEIL 


I don’t know. But I have to have a pencil. I 
worked in a place like this once before. I had a great 
deal of difficulty getting a pencil then, I remember. 


MISS HEY 
It’s just as hard to get one here. 


NEIL 
I thought it would be. I suppose there’s a lot of 
red tape to go through. 


126 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


MISS HEY 
[Turning toward him.] 
Yes. Now as I understand it, you want a pencil. 


NEIL 
That’s right. 
MISS HEY 
Of course you’ve filled out a requisition. 


NEIL 
No, I haven’t. A piece of paper, isn’t it? [She 
hands him a tremendous sheet of paper. It ts about 
twenty by thirty inches. .He studies it.] What I 
want is a pencil. There’s a place for that to be put 
in, I suppose? 


MISS HEY 
[ Wearily.] 
Yes—where it says: ‘The undersigned wishes a 
pencil to do some work with.” How old are you? 


NEIL 
Thirty-two. 


MISS HEY 
[Taking the paper away. ] 
That’s the wrong form. [She gives him another 
—a blue one this tvme.] Parents living? 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 127 


NEIL 
No. 
MISS HEY 
What did you do with your last pencil? 


NEIL 
I didn’t have any. 


MISS HEY 
Did you have any before that? 


NEIL 
I don’t think I ever had any. [He indicates the 
form.] Is that all right? 


MISS HEY 
It isn’t as regular as we like, but I guess it’ll do. 


NEIL 
What do Ido now? Go to someone else, don’t I? 


MISS HEY 
Oh, yes. Sometimes you travel for days. 


NEIL 
Are we all crazy? 


128 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


MISS HEY 
Yes. [She resumes typing.] You might try Room 
E—right down the corridor. 

[The curtains close over her, and the curtains 
at the left simultaneously open, revealing an- 
other office, just like the first. Another 
stenographer, Miss You, is at work on a type- 
writer. NEIL approaches her, requisition m 
hand. 

NEIL 


Is this Room E? 


MISS YOU 
[ Mechanically. | 
Did you have an appointment? 


NEIL 
No—you don’t understand. I’m trying to get a 
pencil. 
MISS YOU 
Well, what do you want to see him about? 


NEIL 
[Handing over the requisition. ] 
It’s this. Somebody has to sign it. 


MISS YOU 
[Takes requisition. ] 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 129 


Oh! [Looks atit.] Mr. Bippy! The man is here 
to see about getting a pencil or something. 


NEIL 
It is a pencil. 
MISS YOU 
Did you see Mr. Schlink? 


NEIL 
Yes. 
MISS YOU 
Mr. Woodge? 
NEIL 
Yes. 
MIss YOU 
Mr. Meglup? 
NEIL 
Yes. . 
MISS YOU 
What did they say? 
NEIL 


Why, they seemed to think it would be all right. 


MISS YOU 
[Calls again. ] 
Oh, Mr. Bippy! [T'o Nzr.] Belong to the Em- 
ployes’ Mutual Mutual? 


130 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


NEIL 
Oh, yes. 
MISS YOU 
Cady Golf and Building Fund? 


NEIL 
Yes. 
MISS YOU 
Well—all right. [She stamps the requisition with 
an elaborate machine, which rings a bell as it works. 
She hands the paper back to Nztt. | 


NEIL 
Oh, thanks. Do I get a pencil now? 


MIss YOU 
Oh, no! It has to be O.K.’d by the President. All 
requisitions have to be O.K.’d by the President. 


NEIL 
Is he around here some place? 


MISS YOU 
Oh, no! He’s in a big office. Just keep going 
until you find a great big office. 


NEIL 
Where? 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


131 





MISS YOU 
Oh, somewhere in the new building. Mr. Bippy! 
[Nem turns away. The curtains close.] 


NEIL 
The new building. A big office. 
[The centre curtains open, revealing a larger 


office. 


Mr. Cany, seated at a long table, is 


dictating, m alternate sentences, to Miss You, 
Miss Hey, and to a dictaphone which stands 


before him.] 


[Nem tries to attract Miss Hry’s attention. ] 


SIMULTANEOUSLY 


NEIL 
[T'o Miss You. ] 

I beg your pardon. 
Seer Lo Miss’: Hry.] 
I beg your pardon... 
would you mind if I—is 
this the President’s of- 
fice? 
Excuse me. 


Excuse me... 


MISS HEY 
[To Net. ] 
Well, what is it? 


CADY 
[ Dictating. | 

And so beg to state— 
yours of the 19th instant 
—hoping to receive your 
valued order—yours re- 
ceived and would say— 
our Mr. Mmm will call 
on you—in re our No. 
2160 — yours 


—annual sales conven- 


sincerely 


tion—beg to state—beg 
to state—beg to state— 


od 


132 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


NEIL pursuant to your in- 

I want to see the structions of the 18th 
President. ultimo—F.O.B. our fac- 
tory—beg to state—beg 

MISS HEY to state—beg to state— 

What do you want to as per your terms and 
see him about? specifications — would 





say—would. say 
[By this time, hear- 
ing NEIL’s voice, 


Sor Ua Capy turns.] 


CADY 
Why, Neil! 

NEIL 
Here I am—at work! 


CADY 
Yes, sir! Business! Big business! 


NEIL 
Yes. Big business. What business are we in? 


CADY 
Widgets. We’re in the widget pusiness. 


NEIL 
The widget business? 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 133 


CADY 

Yes, sir! I suppose I’m the biggest manufacturer 

in the world of overhead and underground A-erial 
widgets. Miss You! 


MISS YOU 
Yes, sir. 


CADY 
Let’s hear what our business was during the first 
six months of the fiscal year. [To Net.] The an- 
nual report. a 


MISS YOU 
[ Reading. | 

“The turnover in the widget industry last year 
was greater thanever. If placed alongside the Wool- 
worth Building it would stretch to the moon. The 
operating expenses alone would furnish every man, 
woman and child in the United States, China and 
similar places with enough to last for eighteen and 
one-half years, if laid end to end.” 


CADY 
How’s that? 

NEIL 
It’s wonderful! 

CADY 


And wait for September 17th! 


4 


134 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


NEIL 
Why? 
CADY 
That’s to be National Widget Week! The whole 
country ! 
NEIL 





That’s fine, but what I came up about 


CADY 
Never mind that now—we’ve got more important 
things. Conferences, mostly. 
[Zo Miss Hey and Miss Yov.] 
Any good conferences on for today? 


MISS HEY AND MISS YOU 
| Together. | 
One at 3:19 this afternoon. [They go.] 


CADY 
That’s fine! Ever been to a conference, Neil? 


NEIL 
No, but I’ve heard a lot about them. 


CADY 

They’re great! You make speeches and decide 
things, and nobody can get in while they’re going on. 
[Miss You and Miss Hey re-enter excitedly. ] 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 135 


MISS YOU AND MISS HEY 
All ready! They’re going to start the conference, 
the conference, the conference! 


[They rush out.] 


CADY 
Fine! Come right in, gentlemen! 
[Half a dozen business men enter. They wear 
clothes that suggest fatness and prosperity. 
They walk in stiffly, in a line, repeating the 
phrases “Overhead,” “Turnover,” “Annual 
Report,” “Overhead,” “Turnover,” “Annual 
Report.” They sit, in stiff poses. | 
We are going to have a conference! [Calls off.] 
Bolt the doors, out there! Gentlemen—this is our 
annual quarterly meeting. 
[He drops a gold piece in front of each man.] 
I want to introduce a young man who has been 
showing great promise in our factory. I don’t know 
what he will have to say to you 





NEIL 
I know what to say! [Rises.] I remember now— 
I know exactly what to say! 


CADY 
Gentlemen, Mr. Neil McRae! 


4 


136 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


[ds Neru rises to speak the men all fall into 
mechanical positions, reminiscent of the 
board of directors pictures nm the advertise- 
ments. Neu pounds the table occasionally 
during his speech, but there ts no sound.] 


NEIL 

I know you must be surprised to see so young a 
man stand up before you, but I have traimed myself 
to occupy the position I am now in. I have learned 
my facts. That is how I happen to own my own 
home. It simply took up my spare time in the eve- 
nings. ‘Then, one day, the head of the factory came 
through the room where I happened to be working on 
a very difficult piece of machinery. ‘‘Who is that?” 
he asked the foreman. ‘‘He seems to be brighter than 
the others.”” “Not at all,” answered the foreman. 
‘““He has simply applied himself and I think we must 
raise his pay, if we want to hold him.” A few weeks 
later I was able to solve in five minutes a problem 
that had puzzled the best brains in our organiza- 
tion. I am now the head of my department, and my 

old foreman is working under me. 
[Nzru sits; there is applause; the men lean over 

and shake his hand, congratulating him.] 


BUSINESS MEN 
Wonderful! Wonderful! 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 137 


CADY 
I knew he could do it! Gentlemen, he has saved us 
millions! 
FIRST BUSINESS MAN 
Why, he is going to be the biggest man in the 
organization. 
OTHERS 


Yes! The very biggest! 


FIRST BUSINESS MAN 
What do you say to signing up with us for ten 
years at half a million dollars a year? 


SECOND BUSINESS MAN 
And becoming sales manager? 


CADY 
How about a bonus? 


FIRST BUSINESS MAN 
Yes, a bonus! 


SECOND BUSINESS MAN 
Here’s my check for one hundred thousand dol- 
lars! 
CADY 
And here’s mine! Two hundred thousand dol- 
lars. 


138 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


FIRST BUSINESS MAN 
And mine for one hundred thousand! 


OTHER BUSINESS MEN 
And mine—one hundred and fifty thousand dol- 
lars! 
NEIL 
Oh, thank you, thank you! 
[He looks at the checks; they are of various- 
colored paper—pink, blue, yellow. ] 
It’s an awful lot of money, isn’t it? 


CADY 
A million dollars! 

NEIL 
A million dollars! 

CADY 


Well, gentlemen, that was a dandy conference! 


FIRST BUSINESS MAN 
One of the best! 
CADY 
Let’s have another! 


SECOND BUSINESS MAN 
Yes, another. 
[Capy hands out gold pieces again as the cur- 
tams close in. Nuit, however, has stepped 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 139 


out of the scene and stands facing the audi- 
ence. Curtains fall behind him.] 


NEIL 
Just think, a million dollars. 
[He looks at the checks in his hand, but they 
have turned into samples of colored cloth.] 
Blue and pink and yellow. Blue and yellow and 
pink. Iwas to match them. J know! I was to match 
them for 





GLADYS 
[ Heard in the distance. | 
Oh, Neil! 
NEIL 


For Gladys! [Then, mechanically.] Sweetheart! 
[Guapys, resplendent in evening dress and 
wrap, joins him. | 


GLADYS 
Did you have a hard day at the office, Neil? 


NEIL 
Here they are. It’s a million dollars—I think. 


GLADYS 
Oh, good. I always knew you’d be a big success, 
Neil. 


140 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


NEIL 
[Dully.] 
But I’m not doing what I want to do. My music 
—I want to write my music. 


GLADYS 
Oh, not now! It’s time to go somewhere! We’re 
going to dance! 
NEIL 
No, no! T’ve got to write my music. I want to go 
home now! 
GLADYS 
Oh, nobody ever goes home. We’re going to go 
and dance! 
NEIL 
But we’ve got to eat dinner first! 


GLADYS 
Of course! We’re going to eat right here! 


NEIL 

In this restaurant again? But we were here last 
night, and the night before. You don’t want to come 
here every night, do you? 


GLADYS 
Why, of course Ido! Suppose it is expensive, you 
can afford it now! And nobody comes here but the 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 141 


best people! We’ll come here every night from now 
on! They have the nicest little lamps on the tables! 
[A check-room boy enters from one side and a 
headwaiter from the other. A second glance 
reveals the fact that the headwaiter is At- 
BERT. T'he check boy takes Guapys’s wrap 

and Netu’s bathrobe.] 


ALBERT 
Bon soir. 
[Holds up two fingers. ] 


How many, please? 


NEIL 
Two. 
ALBERT 
Two? 
NEIL 
[Counts them. | 
Two. 
ALBERT 
Two? 
NEIL 
Why, hello, Albert! 
ALBERT 


Hello, Neil! 


142 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


NEIL 
Oh, yes! You were a waiter at college, weren’t 
you? You know Gladys? 


GLADYS 
Of course. 

[Ansert and Guapys shake hands. Then At- 
BERT immediately becomes again the formal 
waiter. | 

ALBERT 
How many, please? 


NEIL 
Two. 
ALBERT 
Two? 
NEIL 
[Looks around to see if a third has mysteriously 
appeared. | 
Yes—two. 
ALBERT 


I will see if I can find you a table. [He consults 
his chart.] All our reserved tables are reserved. 

[The centre curtains part, revealing a gaudy 
cabaret interior. In the centre, at the rear, 

is a window, set in a frame of wrought tron. 

There ts a single table, set with much fancy 
glassware and two table lamps of the sort so 

dear to Guavys’s heart. As this scene ts re- 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 143 


vealed an unseen orchestra strikes up the 
jazz tune, “The Frog’s Party.’ | 
Ah! Right this way, please! Here is a nice one— 
right by the window! 

[He seats them with an elaborate flourish, 
simultaneously uttering the meaningless rit- 
ual of headwaiters everywhere. |] 

Yes, Madame! Yes, sir! 

[A cigarette girl, Spanish in attire, enters and 

circles around the table. | 


GIRL 
Cigars and cigarettes! Cigars and cigarettes! 
[Aubert presents the menu, a huge affair, to 
Nett. | 


GLADYS 
See, Neil? Isn’t it wonderful? [She sways to the 
music.] Order! He’s waiting! Hurry up—you’ve 
got to order! 


NEIL 
[Scanning the card.] 
I—I can’t decide right away. 


GLADYS 
Oh, that music! I can’t stand it any longer! [She 
rises and seizes ALBERT.| Dance? 
[She whirls around the table with him, to the 


144 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


accompaniment of the jazz tune and the 
cigarette girl’s chorus of “cigars, cigar- 
ettes.’” | 


ALBERT 
[ When the dance is over. | 
Perhaps Madame would care for some Bordelaise 
ala Bordelaise, or some Bordelaise & la Bordelaise, 
or some Bordelaise a la Bordelaise. 


GLADYS 
Why, yes—I’d like that! 


ALBERT 
And what will Monsieur have? 


NEIL 
[Studying card.] 
What is Bordelaise 4 la Bordelaise? 


ALBERT 
Very nice, sir. 


NEIL 
Yes, I know, but what is it? 


ALBERT 
It’s served in a little round dish—very nice. 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 145 





NEIL 
Can’t I find out what it is? 


ALBERT 
I'll see if anybody knows, sir. [He turns his back.] 


GLADYS 
Neil! 
NEIL 
Well? 
GLADYS 


People don’t do that—making a scene in a res- 
taurant! 


NEIL 
I only want to know what it is. 


GLADYS 
But you must pretend that you do know! That’s 
the thing! 
[Atzsert turns back to Nett. | 


ALBERT 
I’m sorry, sir—nobody knows. 


NEIL 
It doesn’t matter. JTll take it. 


146 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


ALBERT 
Yes, sir. Thank you, sir. 
[Four waiters enter, with dishes.] 


GLADYS 
Oh, here’s dinner! 

[The waiters circle the table, clanking the lids 
of their dishes as they exhibit the food. They 
go slowly at first, then faster and faster, in 
time to the constantly accelerating music. ] 


NEIL 
[Springing up.] 
Stop! I can’t stand it! 
[The waiters halt in their tracks; the music 
stops. ] 
Is it going to be like this always? 


GLADYS 
What? 
NEIL 


Our life! 
[ALBERT dismisses the waiters. | 


GLADYS 

Why, I think it’s wonderful! You’re going ahead 
being a big success in papa’s office, and every night 
we'll go out and dance! You'll have to learn! 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 147 


NEIL 
I won’t dance! I don’t want to dance! I wouldn’t 
ever have had to dance if I hadn’t married you! 
[It gives him a thought.] 
If I hadn’t married you 





GLADYS 
Well, I don’t care whether you dance or not. I’m 
going to! Albert 
[She rises and seizes AtBERT; they dance off.| 
If you hadn’t married me you’d have starved to 
death—starved to death—starved to death 
[Her voice dies down in the distance as she and 








AtgBert dance off to the accompaniment of 
the jazz tune. As Neiu starts the next speech 
the jazz tune slowly changes into the Cyn- 
THIAN theme, and at the same time the gaudy 
cabaret changes into a sunny cottage.] 


NEIL 

I don’t think so. I might have been poor, but 
we’d both have work to do. It’s a small house, I 
know, but the sun finds it the first thing every morn- 
ing. And flowers live longer in our windows than 

anywhere else, because she cares for them so. 
[The wrought-iron window has turned into a 
simple thing of chintzes; chintz curtains ap- 
pear in the doorways, and a box of jonquils 


148 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


takes its place at the foot of the window. The 
table no longer contains restaurant silver and 
electric lamps, but is simply furnished with a 
few breakfast things, with a vase of jonquils 
to keep them company. The place is flooded 
with sunlight. ] 


NEIL 
[Calling.] 
Cynthia! 
CYNTHIA 
I’m coming! 
NEIL 


Are you coming, or must I use force? 


CYNTHIA 
It’s the toast machine. You sit down and begin. 


NEIL 
As though I ever begin without you! Besides, I 
have something beautiful for you. 
[Cynrui1a enters, bringing a tray laden with 
breakfast. | 
See what I’ve done! 


CYNTHIA 
What? 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 149 





NEIL 
Nothing at all! Merely created an utterly beau- 
tiful morning! 
CYNTHIA 
You did? I started it an hour ago. 


NEIL 
Perhaps; but see those little powder-puff clouds? 
They weren’t there ten minutes ago. 


CYNTHIA 
They are nice, darling. I didn’t think you were 
so clever. 


NEIL 
And wait till you see the sunset I’m planning. 


CYNTHIA 
You can’t beat last night’s. What a scarlet! 


NEIL 
It blushed because we flattered it so. 
[A pause. ] 
CYNTHIA 
Darling. 
NEIL 


What? 


150 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 





CYNTHIA 
A letter. 
[They stare at the envelope corner.] 


NEIL 
Didn’t you dare open it? 


CYNTHIA 
No. But let’s be brave. 
[They hold hands and take a long breath.] 
Now—one, two, three! 
[They tear the letter open; read it in silence.] 
Do you believe it? [The voice is ecstatic. ] 


NEIL 
No! Do you? 
| CYNTHIA 
Darling! 
NEIL 
Darling! 
CYNTHIA 


But it must be real—it’s typewritten. 


CYNTHIA AND NEIL 
[ Reading in unison. ] 
‘Your symphony will be played by our orchestra 
on December the tenth.” 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 151 





NEIL 
Darling! 
CYNTHIA 
Darling! They’ll applaud and attics ot You'll 
have to come out and bow! 


NEIL 
I won’t! 


CYNTHIA 
You'll have to have a new dress suit! 


NEIL 

And you'll have to have a new evening dress— 
yellow chiffon, too. I can do their damned orches- 
trations now. I can do a hundred of them between 
now and October. 


CYNTHIA 
No, you won't! 
NEIL 
But, my youngest child, we must continue to eat. 


CYNTHIA 
But, my dear, we’re extremely wealthy. Have you 
seen my new housekeeping book? 


NEIL 


152 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 





CYNTHIA 
Look! I ruled every one of those columns myself, 


NEIL 

[ Rises. | 

Oh! Sit down! 
CYNTHIA 

That’s why my middle finger is all red. 

[Nem kisses her finger. ] 
This is serious. ‘This is finance. Listen! 

[ Reading from book. ] 

“To Mrs. Neil McRae—debtor. Ninety-seven 
dozen eggs from the little red hen at seventy-nine 
a dozen—ninety-seven, seventy-nine. Four hundred 
and forty-six quarts of milk from the little dun cow 
at sixty-four—four hundred and sixty-four. Thirty- 
six pots of jonquils sold Mr. Frost, the florist, at 
thirty-six sixty-six—six sixty-six, sixty-six.” And 
there’s the total! 


NEIL 
But, Cynthia, that can’t be right; it’s impossible! 


CYNTHIA 
Add it up for yourself. 


NEIL 
Sixty-three and eight are forty-two 





BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 153 





CYNTHIA 
Neil, you may be one of the minor gods, but you 
can’t add. [T'akes pencil.] There! Look! 


NEIL 





But that means 


CYNTHIA 
It means we’re billionaires, that’s all. 


NEIL 
We have a hundred and seventy-seven dollars and 
—seventy-seven cents? 


CYNTHIA 


[ Nods. | 


And we can keep on just as we have been doing. 


NEIL 
Cynthia, do you suppose any two people ever? 
[He kisses her.] 


CYNTHIA 
No, I don’t believe any two people ever. 
[The voice of Guapys comes out of the distance, 


faintly. ] 


GLADYS 
Oh, Ne-il! 


154 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


CYNTHIA 
What is it, dear? 
NEIL 
I thought I heard someone calling. 


CYNTHIA 
You did that last night at tea time, I’m 
frightened. 
NEIL 
You mustn’t be—there are no fears in this house. 


GLADYS 
[ Louder this time—the same old call.] 
Oh, Ne-il! 
NEIL 
Cynthia, it’s calling me! 


CYNTHIA 
What? 
NEIL 
I don’t know. I must go to it. 
| He steps out of the cottage.] 


CYNTHIA 
I'll go along! 
[The voice grows weaker as Guapys’s gets 
stronger. | 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 155 





NEIL 
You can’t, my dear! It’s too absurd. 
[The curtains close on the cottage; the jazz 
begins again. ] 


GLADYS 
Oh, Ne-il! 

CYNTHIA 

[Faintly. ] 
O-o0-o-h! 
NEIL 

Yes, what is it? 

GLADYS 


Oh, Neil! 

[Guapys enters—so do the check boy, the cig- 
arette girl, AtBert, and the four waiters. 
They stand in a line with outstretched 
palms. | 

NEIL 
Yes, what is it? 
{| Guapys, as she speaks, dances with each waiter 
wm turn. | 
GLADYS 
Come on, sweetheart! We’re going home now! Tip 
the waiters! Tip the waiters! 


NEIL 
For heaven’s sake, stop that dancing! 


156 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


GLADYS 
I should say not! Tip the waiters! Tip them big! 
Tip them big! 
[ She dances off with the last of the waiters. | 
[Nem hands out large bundles of money to the 
waiters, then as he proceeds along the line, he 
comes suddenly to ALBERT. | 


NEIL 
Albert! [The music stops.] You got me into 
this! You’ve got to tell me how I’m going to get 
out of it! 
ALBERT 
What’s the matter? 
NEIL 
I can’t stand it! I can’t live with Gladys any 
longer. What am I going to do about her? 


ALBERT 
Why, that’s easy. 
NEIL 
What do you mean? 


ALBERT 
Just kill her—that’s all. 


NEIL 


Kall her? 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 157 


ALBERT 
Of course. It’s simple and practical. 


NEIL 
Do you know I never thought of that? I’m not 
very practical, am I? 


ALBERT 
No, you’re not. 
NEIL 
Of course, I wouldn’t like to do it unless it were 
absolutely necessary. 


ALBERT 
Still, it’s worth thinking about. 
[He leaves him with this thought.] 


NEIL 
es. 1b is; 
[The music starts; Guapys and the waiter 
dance on again. | 


GLADYS 
We’re going home now! Tip the waiters! Did 
you tip them all? We’re going home! Mama and 
papa will be there, and Homer! 
[The waiters are now gone, and the curtains 
reopen on the Cady home of pillars. Homer 


158 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


is working a radio set; Mr. Cany is playing 
golf with an imagimary bail; Mrs. Capy 
rocks, knits and sings. All is pandemonium. ] 


CADY 
Fore! Everybody, fore! 


HOMER 
I’ve got the radio fixed! Listen! 


RADIO 
Stock market reports! Stock market reports! 
[ Ad infinitum. ] 
GLADYS 


Oh, Neil! Isn’t it nice to be in our own home 
again? 
[She leaps into his lap.] 


MRS, CADY 
[ Singing. | 
“Bringing in the sheaves! Bringing in the 
sheaves !”? 
CADY 
Give me the niblick! Give me the niblick! 


NEIL 
I wish you’d all keep still. 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 159 


GLADYS 
What, darling? Wait! Wait! 
[Everyone subsides.] 
I hear them! The dancing teachers! The dancing 
teachers! Now you’ll learn to dance. 


NEIL 
I won’t, I tell you! 


GLADYS 
Oh, yes, you will! Here they are! The dancing 
teachers! Come in, dancing teachers! Now you'll 
learn to dance! 
[Six dancing teachers enter—exquisite gentle- 
men, one like another. | 


NEIL 
Gladys, I won’t! 
GLADYS 

You’ve got to! Look! Aren’t they wonderful? 
Here he is—my husband! You’re to teach him to 
dance! 

LEADER OF THE DANCING TEACHERS 
Ah! [He circles around Nett, about to pounce.] 


NEIL 
Gladys, I warn you! If you go ahead with this, 
you'll be sorry! 


160 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 





GLADYS 
Teach him to dance! Teach him to dance! 


LEADER 
[ Advancing upon Nett. | 
You’ve got to dance! We teach the world to 
dance! We make it dance. 
[He seizes him.]- 
We’ve got him. 
GLADYS 
Now you'll learn to dance! 


LEADER 
Now watch me! One foot out and one foot in! 
One foot out and one foot in! 


GLADYS 
He’s learning to dance! MHe’s learning to dance! 


ALL THE DANCING TEACHERS 
[Forcing Netw’s arms, shoulders and feet.] 
One foot out and one foot in! One foot out and 
one foot in! Now your shoulder, now your elbow! 
Now your shoulder, now your elbow! One foot out 
and one foot in! One foot out and one foot in. Now 
your shoulder 





NEIL 
[Tears himself loose.] 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 161 





No! No! I tell you! Get out! All of you! 
[They fall back. ] 
Get out, every one of you! I won’t learn to dance! 


[They have disappeared.] 


GLADYS 
Neil! 
NEIL 
[The Capys meantime unconcernedly continue 
their customary occupations, but in subdued 
tones. | 
Thank God! Now I’m going to write! 


GLADYS 
Neil, do you realize how you’re behaving? 


NEIL 

Ido! I won’t go on with this any longer! If this 

is to be our life together then I can’t stand it! I 
won't! That’s all—I won’t! 


GLADYS 
Neil! After all I’ve done for you! After all 
papa’s done for you! 


NEIL 
Done for me? You’ve ruined me, that’s all! You’ve 
given me a lot of money that I didn’t want, and you 


162 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


won’t let me do the one thing I want to do! Well, 
now I’m going to write my music! I’m going to finish 
my symphony! 
GLADYS 
Oh, no, you’re not! 
[Crosses quickly to the piano and tears up the 
manuscript. | 
There’s your old symphony! Now, what have you 
got to say? 
NEIL 
You tore it up! It was the only reason I married 
you, and you tore it up! All right—there’s only one 
thing to do! 
[He takes wp the paper knife from the piano— 
it is about twice the size that tt was when the 
audience last saw it. | 


GLADYS 


Neil, Neil! What are you going to do? 


¥ NEIL 
I’m going to kill you! 
[She stands looking at him, transfixed. He stabs 
her, and she falls dead. | 


MRS, CADY 
[ Quietly. | 


Now you’ve done it! 
y 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 163 





NEIL 
It was her fault! She killed my work! 


MRS. CADY 
She was a sweet girl. The police will get you. 
[She sings “Bringing in the Sheaves.’’] 


NEIL 
Stop that singing! 
MRS. CADY 
I won’t! 
NEIL 


And stop that damned knitting! 


MRS. CADY 
I won’t! “Rock of Ages, cleft for me.” 
[Neiz stabs her. She dies, falling over back- 
ward, chair and all. | 


CADY 
[Blandly continuing his golf game.] 
This is outrageous! The idea of killing a man’s 
daughter and wife! I’m ashamed of you! 


NEIL 
You’re to blame, too! Just as much as the others! 


Look! 


164 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


CADY 
What is it? 

NEIL 
Youw’re dead, too. 

CADY 
Oh! 

[ Mr. Capy dies. ] 
NEIL 


Thank God, they’re out of the way! Peace! I can 
work at last! 
THE RADIO 
Stock market reports! Stock market reports! 


HOMER 
[Coming from behind the radio machine.] 
Is that so? I guess you forgot all about me, didn’t 
you? 
NEIL 
Forget you? Indeed I didn’t! Homer, my boy! 
[He stabs him; Homer crumples up on the 
floor. | 
I guess that ends that! Free! Free! 


HOMER 
[Sttting up.] 
Free nothing! We’ll sue you for this, you dirty 
dog! 
[ He falls dead again. ] 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 165 


NEIL 
It won’t do you any good! Not when they know 
why Ididit! Not when I show them what you killed! 
Not when I play them my music! 
[Half a dozen newspaper reporters enter. They 
are dressed alike and look alike; each has a 
pencil expectantly poised over a piece of 
paper. | 
THE REPORTERS 
[Speaking one at a time, as they surround 
Net. | 
The Times! The World! The Post! The Globe! 
The Sun! The News! The Times! The World! The 
Post! The Globe! The Sun! The News! 


NEIL 
[Indulging in a gesture with the paper knife. | " 
Gentlemen, this is purely a family affair. I don’t 
think I should say anything at this time, but do 
come to my trial. 


THE REPORTERS 
[Again speaking one at a time.] 
A statement! A statement! A statement! A state- 
ment! A statement! A statement! 


NEIL 
Well, gentlemen, it’s a long story. 


166 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


[Instantly a dozen newsboys rush down the 
aisles of the theatre, crying “Extra! Extra! 
All about the murders!” The din is terrific. 
Simultaneously the theatre lights wp; the 
audience turns for a second to look at the 
newsboys, and in that second the curtain falls. 
The newsboys pass out copies of The Morn- 
ing-Evening, containing a full account of the 
quadruple murder. | 


END OF PART I 


PART II 


3 
Pi 
re} 


Oa 6 a 





PART II 


[The scene is now a courtroom. Against curtains 
of black stand three major objects of red—the 
same red that appeared fitfully in Netw’s chintz 
curtains, and again as draperies for the pillars 
wm the Cady home. Squarely in the centre is a 
block of twelve seats mounted on a platform. 
They are designed, obviously, for the jury, but 
instead of being the customary jurors’ chairs they 
are of the kind found in theatres. Net’s piano 
and easy chair, of course, remain in their accus- 
tomed places. At the right, also vividly red, is 
the judge’s bench, and against it leans a frame of 
photographs, of the sort that you see in theatre * 
lobbies. The pictures show Mr. Capvy in various 
costumes and poses. The witness’s box is at the 
left, and beside it a ticket taker’s box, presided 
over by the ubiquitous Jerry. Near him is a 
hat-check boy recognizable as the same youth who 
took Netiu’s robe in the restaurant, and who also 
sold chocolates during the wedding ceremony. A 
couple of ushers, girls, stand chatting beside the 


jury box, Net, of course, is also present, walk- 
| 169 


170 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


ing up and down somewhat nervously, and con- 
sulting his watch. The jurors are beginning to 
arrive as the curtain ascends—three or four are 
streaming in. To Netw’s surprise they all turn 
out to be dancing teachers. | 


TICKET TAKER 
[As the curtain ascends. | 
Oyez! Oyez! Oyez! 
[He takes the tickets of the jurors, returns the 
stubs, and drops the remainder into his boz.] 


CHECK BOY 
Check your coat! Check your coat! 


IsT JUROR 
I guess we’re early. 


NEIL 
Excuse me, but are you some of the jurors? 


2ND JUROR 
We certainly are. 
NEIL 
But—but you’re dancing teachers, aren’t you? 


lsT JUROR 
Best in the world. 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 171 


NEIL 
Are you going to try me? My music? 


IsT JUROR 
That’s what. 
NEIL 
But it doesn’t seem fair. I’m afraid you’ll be 
prejudiced against something really good. 


[The Seconp and Tuirp Jurors meet and auto- 
matically shake hands. | 


2ND JUROR 
Hello, Ed! 

SRD JUROR 
Hello, Ed! 

2ND JUROR 
Well, you old son-of-a-gun! 


3RD JUROR 
Well, you old son-of-a-gun! 


2ND JUROR 
Glad to see you! 


3RD JUROR 
Glad to see you. [They put their hands in their 
pockets simultaneously. | 


172 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


2ND JUROR 
Fine! How’s every little thing? 


SRD JUROR 
Fine! How’s every little thing? 


2ND JUROR 


Well, glad I saw you! 


SRD JUROR 


Well, glad I saw you! 


2ND JUROR 
Goodbye, Ed! 

SRD JUROR 
Goodbye, Ed! 


IsT JUROR 
[At the frame of photographs.] 
Say, who’s this? 
NEIL 
That’s the judge. It’s the opening night of my 
trial, you know. That’s the way he appeared in 
several famous cases. 


2ND JUROR 
[ Joining them and pointing to a picture. ] 
Oh, yes! That’s the way he looked in the Wat- 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 173 


kins trial. He was terrible good. Did you see it? 
[A fourth juror is shown to a first row seat by 
an usher. | 
IsT JUROR 
No, I was out of town. 
[Points to another picture.] 
There he is in the Ferguson case! Gosh, he was 
good in that! 
NEIL 


Yes, I heard he was. 


2ND JUROR 
Was he funny? 
IsT JUROR 
Funny? He had that courtroom roaring half 
the time. 
2ZND JUROR 
I don’t know another judge in the country who 
can deliver a charge to a jury like he can. Pathos, 
comedy, everything. 


IsT JUROR 
They say this will be the best trial he’s ever done. 
I hear they were sold out last Monday. 
[More jurors are entering. | 


TICKET TAKER 
Tickets, please! 


174 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


HAT-CHECK BOY 
Coats checked! Check your coat! 
[The 'Tuirp Juror presents his ticket stub to an 
usher. | 
USHER 
Other aisle, please! 
[He crosses to the other side of the jury box 
and presents the stub to the other usher.] 


USHER 
Other aisle, please! 
[He returns to the First Usuer.] 


USHER 
Right this way! 
[She indicates a seat in the middle of the boz.] 


SRD JUROR 
[Looking at the stub.] 
Ain’t this an aisle seat? 


Ist USHER 
No, sir. Fourth seat in. 


3RD JUROR 
After paying all that money to a speculator! 
[He takes his seat in the middle of the back 
row. | 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 175 


ATH JUROR | 
There ought to be a law against them. [Other 
jurors are being seated. | 

[Ner, at the footlights, catches the attention 
of the orchestra leader. | 

Now, the overture to the trial, please. 

[The orchestra plays the overture—a few bars 
of cheap musical comedy strains, the modu- 
lation from one tune to another being most 
elaborate. As the orchestra plays, more 
jurors are seated, leaving empty only the seat 
next the Judge’s bench for the foreman, and 
another in the middle of the first row. The 
jurors look at their programs, talk, adjust 
opera glasses, etc. As the overture ends, 
ALBERT enters, a camera slung over his shoul- 


der. | 
NEIL 
Why, hello, Albert! 
ALBERT 
Hello, Neil! 
NEIL 


What are you doing here? 


ALBERT 
I’m covering the trial. 


176 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 





NEIL 
“Covering” it? For a newspaper? - 


ALBERT 
[ Nods.] 


I’m a reporter on the Illustrated. 


NEIL 
Oh, yes! You used to write, didn’t you? 


ALBERT 
I understand they’re going to try some of your 
music? 
NEIL 
Yes. You'll give it a fair criticism, won’t you— 
in the paper? 


ALBERT 
In what paper? 
NEIL 
Why, your paper. 
ALBERT 


The Illustrated? Wedon’t use any writing. It’s 
an illustrated paper. Didn’t you ever see it—in the 
subway? 

NEIL 

Of course! I remember—just pictures. But 

how do people know what they are? 


~I 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 17 


ALBERT 
Oh, we always have a few simple words, saying 
what the picture is about. A good many of our sub- 
scribers can read, and they tell the others. 
[4 Canny SELLER appears. He has the usual 
tray of chocolates and peppermints seen in 
the theatres. | 


CANDY SELLER 
Chocolates and bon-bons! Fresh chocolates and 
bon-bons! Assorted chocolates! 


IsT JUROR 
[Leaning out of the jury boz.] 
Here you are. [Buys a box of candy.] 


[The Canpy SELLER goes out again. There is 
a sudden burst of activity in the jury bow.] 


NEIL 
What’s all that? 
ALBERT 
They are getting ready to elect a foreman for the 


jury. 
[There is something like a cheer from the jury 
box. At one end a sign appears reading: 
JONES FOR FOREMAN. At the other 


178 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


side: SMITH FOR FOREMAN. The First 
Juror rises to speak. He receives hearty 
applause. | 


lsT JUROR 
Mr. Chairman and ladies and gentlemen of the 
Fifth Jury District: I don’t think anybody here has 
to be told at this late date that Harry J. Smith, 
retired, is the logical man for foreman of this grand 
jury. I guess everybody here knows Mr. Smith’s 
record. You have all known him since childhood. 
He is an old Eighth Ward boy and will give a jury 
a business administration. 
OTHER JURORS 
Hooray! 
[The First Juror sits. The Srconp Juror 
immediately demands attention. | 


2ND JUROR 

Mr. Chairman and ladies and gentlemen of the 
Fifth Jury District: I don’t think anybody here has 
to be told at this late date that Thomas A. Jones, re- 
tired, is the logical man for foreman of this grand 
jury. I guess everybody here knows Mr. Jones’s 
record. You have all known him since childhood. He 
is an old Eighth Ward boy and will give the jury a 
business administration. 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 179 


VOICE 
What about Ireland? 
[There are cries of “Throw him out!’’] 
[Nei holds up a hand for silence. ] 


NEIL 
Wait! [He goes into the witness box.] Ladies 
and gentlemen of the Fifth Jury District: I know 
it is late to be putting forward a new candidate for 
foreman of this grand jury, but this is my trial, and 
it is my music that you’re going to hear. Both of 
the candidates who are now up before you are good 
dancers, but it is only fair that there should be some- 
one on the jury who knows good music. 


JURORS 
Hooray! 
NEIL 
Therefore, when the light on the Times Building 
swings on tonight, I want it to be a steady red light, 
which will show that we have elected the Hon. Albert 
Rice, of Chicago, a man of the people, for the people, 
and by the people, and the stars and stripes forever 
in the good old U. 5S. A.! 


JURORS 


Hooray! 
[Almost immediately a red light shines across 


180 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


the group, and the orchestra strikes up 
Sousa’s march, “Stars and Stripes.” The 
jurors, cheering, march around the jury bo, 
carrying American flags, banners, noise- 
makers, etc. There are cries of “Rice Wins! 
Hoorah for Rice!” Albert, still mindful of the 
fact that he has been sent to get the news, 
makes ready his camera and calls on the 
crowd to halt. | 


ALBERT 
Hold it, please! 
[They stop—there is a scurrying to get into 
the photograph. ALBERT snaps them.] 





NEIL 
Hold it! 
[He takes the camera and AuBERT automati- 
cally prepares to have his own picture taken. 
One of the ushers tries to slip into the picture, 
but New waves her aside. He snaps ALBERT. | 
Will they be out soon? 


ALBERT 

Soon? They are out! [He pulls a copy of the 

Illustrated from his pocket—a newspaper covered 

with a front page crowded with photographs, but 
entirely blank elsewhere.| I brought one with me. 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 181 


NEIL 
They’re on the front page. 


Mavoq NOV 2) 
ALBERT 


Sure! We put everything on the front page. [He 
points.] There’s a picture of the judge delivering 
his charge. 

NEIL 

But he hasn’t delivered it yet. 


ALBERT 
Well, we have to get things quick. Our readers 
expect it. 
[Ausert takes his place in the jury box. The 
other jurors lean over and shake his hand.] 


NEIL 
The Hon. Albert Rice assumes office as thousands 
cheer. 
[He waits for the cheer—it does not come. He 
motions to the jury. They clap their hands 
perfunctorily. | 


ALBERT 
Thank you, gentlemen. 


TICKET TAKER 
[ Announcing. ] 
His Honor, the Judge! 


182 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


[Everyone rises. The orchestra begins the Sol- 
diers’ Chorus from “Faust.” The Judge 
enters. He is Mr. Capy, his golf suit hand- 
somely covered by an enormous red robe. He 
also wears an enormous Judge's wig. He 
throws away all dignity, however, by lifting 
the skirts of his gown and skipping into view. 
The music ends on a long note in the brasses, 
such as attends the finish of an acrobat’s 
trick. Capy curtsies toward the jury box in 
response to unanimous applause, and blows 
a kiss. He goes up to his chair and holds 
the picture of a satisfied actor as he waits 
for another burst of applause to subside. ] 


CADY 
[ At last—to Neu. | 
Got a match? 


NEIL 
What? 

CADY 
Got a match? | 

NEIL 


Oh, yes! [He strikes a match. Although several 
feet away from the cigar, the cigar lights. Mr. 
Capvy and jury are about to sit when Neu hisses. | 

Look out! 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 183 





CADY 
What is it? 

NEIL 
That chair. It isn’t very strong, you know. 


CADY 
Oh, Dll be careful. [He sits. The jurors sit.] 


TICKET TAKER 
Oyez! Oyez! Oyez! 
[The final juror enters and presents his ticket. ] 


CADY 
Ladies and gentlemen, I 





NEIL 

[Noticing the tardy juror. | 

Just a minute! He’s late. 
[To the juror. | 
Can’t you people ever be on time? » 

[The tardy juror gives his seat check to an 
usher, who starts to lead him to his place, 
in the middle of the second row, but finds 
somebody already in it. ] 


CADY 
[ Blandly. ] 


184 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


Ladies and gentlemen, I declare the Court— [The 
confusion makes him break off again.] 


USHER 
[Leaning far over.] 
May I see your check, please? 


CADY 
I declare the Court 





USHER 


May I see your check? 


JUROR 
[Searching his pockets.] 
I had it here some place. Ah! [Gives stub to 
the usher. | 
[The usher examines the ticket stub. ] 


USHER 
Oh, you belong in the row ahead. This gentleman 
has a ticket for this seat. 
[People mn both rows have to stand up while the 
exchange is made. It is a good deal of 
trouble, to put it mildly. ] 


NEIL 
[To Capy.] 
All right now. [Tm sorry. 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 185 


CADY 

I declare the court to be in session. [There is a 
round of applause. Cany bows.] 

The business of the day is the trial of Neil Wads- 
worth McRae for murder. 

[There is more applause. New. is finally com- 
pelled to bow. Capvy again addresses NEIL 
confidentially. | 

Am I right? 
NEIL 
Yes. And don’t forget, ’'m going to play my 
symphony. That was the reason I did it, you 
know. 
CADY 
Yes, I remember. [He is quite conversational. | 
Now, the first thing to be done, I should say, is to 
have the prosecuting attorney make a sort of gen- 


eral charge. [T'o Ner.] What do you think? 


NEIL 
I guess that’s right. How about it, Albert? 


ALBERT 
[Looking up from his program. ] 
Yes, that’s right. [Nem nods to the Ticket 
TAKER. | 
TICKET TAKER 
[ Announcing. ] 


186 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


The prosecuting attorney ! 
[ Homer enters to the tune of “Tammany.” He 
wears along black robe. He receives a hearty 
round of applause, with a few hisses.) 


NEIL 
Oh, it’s you! 
HOMER 
[ Quietly. ] 
T’ll get you now, you dirty dog! 


NEIL 
I think not. 
CADY 
Come, come, we can’t be all day at this. [ve 
got to get back to the office. Now, just what were 
these murders all about? 


HOMER 
[Reads from document. As Homer begins 
to read Usher and Check Boy begin a whis- 
pered conversation that soon dominates the 


scene. | 
SIMULTANEOUSLY 
HOMER USHER 
“On such and such a Did you sell much 


blank date, the defend- candy? 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


ant, Neil Wadsworth Mc- 
Rae, did brutally mur- 
der, maim, assault, de- 
troy, stab, injure, kill 
and cause the death of 
Gladys Virginia Cady, 
his wife; Mr. Cady, her 
father; Mrs. Cady, her 
mother, and Homer 
Cady, her brother, de- 
stroying one and all of 
the aforesaid Gladys Vir- 
ginia Cady, his wife; 
Mr. Cady, her father; 
Mrs. Cady, her mother, 
and Homer Cady, her 
brother—by the use of a 
large paper knife, of 
bone manufacture and 
curious design, a picture 
of which appeared in the 
newspapers at the time.” 
[ Hands 
paper contaiming 
the picture to 
Capy. | 


the news- 


187 


CHECK BOY 

Sure—enough to buy 
a couple seats for the 
movies. 


USHER 
Oh, let’s see the one up 
the street! 


CHECK BOY 

Oh, that’s punk! You 
always want to see the 
sad ones. 


USHER 
I hate comedies. 


CHECK BOY 


Well, I hate sad ones. 


NEIL 
Quiet, please; some of 
us would like to hear the 
show ! 
[They grudgingly 
leave the room.] 


188 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


CADY 
Yes, I saw it. <A great, big, long one. Exhibit 
A. [He hands it to the foreman. ] 


ALBERT 
Exhibit A! 
[Passes it to the other jurors. | 
[The other jurors repeat “Exhibit A,” pass- 
ing the newspaper from one to another. | 


HOMER 

Having caused the death of the aforesaid and 

aforementioned people, I therefore call upon the 

Court to punish said Neil Wadsworth MacRae in one 

of two ways prescribed by law—death or hard labor 
for life, whichever they do in this state. 


CADY 
[ Realizing that maybe it’s serious ayter all. | 
Oh, no! Is that so? 


NEIL 
[ Lightly. ] 
Just wait! 
CADY 
[To Homer. ] 


Yes. Just wait, pease. 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 189 





ist JUROR 
[Leans toward his neighbor, with open program, 
and reads from it, as though confiding a bit of 
real news. | 
Say, this courtroom, with every seat occupied, 
can be emptied in less than three minutes. 


CADY 
Silence in the court! 


[A pause. ] 


HOMER 
The State rests. 

[He sits in the easy chair and is immediately 
seized with a fit of coughing. Mrs. Capy in- 
stantly appears behind Homer; she has her 
knitting, but no chair.] 


MRS. CADY 
Are you all right, Homer? 


HOMER 
I guess so. 
MRS. CADY 
[To the jury. | 
Homer’s sick. He was always delicate. But he 
was a good boy though. When Homer wanted to 
be he was as good a boy as you’d find in a month of 


190 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


Sundays. ‘There was no reason on earth why Neil 
shouldn’t have allowed him to live, just like a lot of 
other people are allowed to live. [The jurors ap- 
plaud her. | 
CADY 
You are his mother? 


MRS. CADY 
Yes, sir. [Capy shakes her hand, sympatheti- 
cally. | 
CADY 
You were also a victim, I believe? 


MRS. CADY 
That’s right. [Capy shakes her hand again.| 
You heard how he did it? With a paper knife. 


CADY 
Oh, yes! You see, we’re trying him today. 


MRS. CADY 
For the murders? 
CADY 
Yes. 
MRS. CADY 


Oh, I beg your pardon! [Begins to back away in 
confusion.] I wouldn’t have intruded, if I’d known. 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 191 


NEIL 
Wait a minute! I'd like to have Mrs, Cady take 
the stand, please. 


MRS. CADY 
[ Flustered. | 
Who? Me? 
NEIL 
If you don’t mind. 
HOMER 


What! Going to make her take the stand? A 
mother? [There are hisses from the jury.] 


NEIL 
Over here, please! [Leads her to the witness bow. | 
Do you swear to tell the truth—the truth—and 
—the truth? 
MRS. CADY 
Yes. 
NEIL 
You can’t tell the truth unless you raise your 
hand, you know. 
MRS. CADY 
No? 
NEIL 
No. [She puts up her hand.] You’re Mrs. Cady, 
aren’t your 
MRS. CADY 
Yes. [Jo Mr. Capy.] Is that right, Fred? 


192 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


CADY 
Yes—that’s all right. 


NEIL 
[Suddenly wheeling on Mrs. Canvy.] 
Now then. [Mrs. Capy jwmps.] Where were you 
on Friday, June third? 


MRS. CADY 
Knitting. [She suits the action to the word.] 


NEIL 
But you used to sing in the choir, didn’t you? 


MRS. CADY 

Oh, yes. [Sings.] “Just as I am, without one 
plea.” [The jurors stand and join in. Canvy stops 
smoking for a moment and also sings a bar or two.] 


CADY 
[Suddenly rapping for order.] 


Silence in the court! 


NEIL 
[Waves a warning finger at Mrs. Canpy, as 
though to intimate that another question is 
about to come. ] 
Prove an alibi! 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 193 


HOMER 
I object, Your Honor! 


CADY 

Objection sustained and overruled! [To Mrs. 
Capy.] Answer the question! [Nem smiles mock- 
ingly at Homer. | 


MRS. CADY 
What was it? 
NEIL 
Prove an alibi! 
MRS. CADY 
What kind? 
NEIL 
[T'o Capy. ] 


I didn’t know there were different kinds. 


CADY 
Oh, yes—there are several kinds of alibis. 


NEIL 
Then prove any kind. 


HOMER 
Your Honor, I object! 


CADY 
You object? 


194 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 





HOMER 
Yes! [He goes to Nez and looks sinisterly at 
him.] I object to his looks! 


NEIL 
Why, what’s the matter with them? 


CADY 
[It is apparently a point of great import.] 

An objection has been raised to the prisoner’s 
looks. [Looks at Net carefully.| Hm! Have you 
anything to say? 

NEIL 
Sir? 
CADY 
[ Quite casual. | 
Have you anything to say about your looks? 


NEIL 
Why—I think they’re all right. [There is a 
weighty pause. | 
CADY 
This is a serious question. [He removes his wig. 
The jury breaks out in chatter; Capy raps.] Order, 
please! Now, the prisoner thinks that his looks are 
all right. 
HOMER 
But he can’t prove it! 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 195 


CADY 
[To Nett. | 
Can you prove it? 
NEIL 
Why— [Here’s an awful situation!] 


CADY 
You see, this is a court of law. Everything has to 
be proved. 
‘ NEIL 
Well, well—can’t the jury tell by looking? 
[Nem looks toward the jury, which peers at 
him closely, but is puzzled. The jurors shake 
their heads, uncertain. | 


CADY 

You see, it’s illegal for a jury to know anything 
until it’s been instructed. Now, as I understand it, 
the point is that you think your looks are all right? 


NEIL 
Yes. 
CADY 
But you can’t prove it? 


NEIL 
[If he can only have a moment’s peace in which 
to think it over! | 


196 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


Oh, Lord! [One of the jurors is noisily unwrap- 
ping a candy box.) Quiet! Good heavens—how can 
I think if they’re going to— Your Honor, they must 
be quiet! 


CADY 
Quiet! 


THE JUROR 
But it’s candy! [It is a big bow full and tt its 
passed up to the Judge. | 


CADY 
Oh, really? [Guapys enters in a brilliant dinner 
gown and an ornate cloak. | 


GLADYS 

Oh, candy! [She crosses to the Judge’s stand 
and begins rifling the box.] Hello, Neil! I didn’t 
mean to interrupt! I just ran in to get the boys! 
We’re going dancing! [Some of the jurors rise; one 
or two even begin clumbing over the railing to jou 
her.| There’s a big new place opening tonight and 
they’re going to take me there! Got some money, 
papa? 

CADY 

Ten thousand enough? [He gives her a handful 

of bills. ] 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK . 197 


GLADYS 
Oh, thanks. Come on, boys! [The jurors make 
further gestures toward going. | 


NEIL 
No, wait! [All movement is suspended.) You 
mean you want to take—them—away with you? 


GLADYS 
Of course! 
NEIL 
But—but I’m being tried for the murders. And if 
you take the jury away 





. GLADYS 
I’m sorry, Neil, but I couldn’t miss the opening, 
could I? Are you ready? [The jurors step toward 
her. | 
NEIL 
No, no! [Again the jurors halt. Nxrit appeals 
to Capy.] She can’t do that, can she? 


CADY 
[ Who has been eating so much candy he has had 
little time for the trial’s new aspect.] 
What? 
NEIL 
Take the jury away, right in the middle of things? 


198 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


CADY 
[Licking his fingers. ] 


She can if it’s habeas corpus. 


NEIL 
[Not at all sure. ] 
Well—is it? 
CADY 
[He licks his fingers. ] 
It’s beginning to look that way. 


NEIL 
But it isn’t fair! They’ve got to hear my music. 
I know what I'll do! [He faces Capy.] I'll take it 
to a higher court! 
CADY 
[Just a bit hurt. ] 
Oh, don’t you like this court? 


NEIL 
It isn’t that. It’s a good court, I guess, and the 
people are lovely, but 





CADY 
About how high a one would you want? 


NEIL 
I’d want the highest I could get. 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 199 





CADY 
All right. [Jupexr Capy slowly goes up in the air, 
as his stand grows two or three feet higher.| Is this 
high enough for you? 


NEIL 
I guess so. Is this the superior court? 


CADY 
Oh, yes. Much superior. And more up-to-date. 
We send out all our verdicts by radio. 


NEIL 
She can’t take them away with her now, can she 
—in this court? 
CADY 
Oh, no! You see, in a higher court the lower court 
is reversed. 
NEIL 
Good! [The jurors resume their old positions. | 


GLADYS 
Oh, the devil! Well, then I'll take Albert. He’s 
only the foreman. [She grabs Ausert by the hand 
and leads him out of the courtroom. ] 


CADY 
[Sucks a sticky thwmb.] 


200 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


Well, are the rest of you ready to bring in a ver- 
dict? All in favor will say 





NEIL 
No, wait! T’m not through—you haven’t heard 
the music yet. 


CADY 
Oh, that’s right! You’re going to play for us. 


NEIL 
Of course. That’s why I killed them, you know— 
on account of the music. I want to prove that I was 
justified. Listen! [He goes to the piano.] You 
won’t blame me when you’ve heard the music. [He 
strikes a chord.) 'This is a symphony in C Minor. 
[He starts to play. The result is disconnected, 
meaningless. There is a budding hissing from the 
jurors. Neti, with a cry, jumps to his feet, holding 
up the torn sheet of music. He finds it almost im- 
possible to speak.) She destroyed it! She tore it 

up, and now I can’t play it! Cynthia! Cynthia! 
(Crnruia appears at the piano. She is calm 

and sympathetic, as always. | 


CYNTHIA 
Yes, dear? 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 201 


NEIL 
Cynthia, she tore up the symphony! I can’t re- 
member it, and they’re waiting for me to play! 


CYNTHIA 
You still have the pantomime, haven’t you? 


NEIL 
Yes, 
CYNTHIA 
Then play that for them instead. [She finds the 
pantomime music.| They’ll think it’s better, any- 
how. [Puts the music before him. ] 


NEIL 
But it isn’t finished. 


CYNTHIA 
Well, now you can finish it. 


NEIL 
Can I? 
CYNTHIA 
Of course. It’ll be all right, dear—you’'ll see. 


NEIL 
You—you think we ought to do it? 


202 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


CYNTHIA 
Of course. 
NEIL 
All right. [He faces his inquisitors.] Ladies and 
gentlemen, instead of the symphony, we’re going to 
play a little pantomime, called “A Kiss in Xanadu” 
—written by Cynthia Mason and Neil McRae. We'll 
need quite a lot of room, so if you don’t mind clear- 
ing the court— [The Judge’s dais and the witness 
box disappear. The jury box, too, moves into black- 
ness.] ‘The scene is the royal palace in Xanadu. It’s 
a night in June—one of those spring nights that you 
find only in Xanadu. Now, if you’re all ready— 
music! [The music of the pantomime begins.] 
Cynthia, we ought to have a window to show what 
kind of night it is. 
[In the distance a great open window appears. 
Beyond a moonlit balustrade are flowers and 
trees and stars. | 


CYNTHIA 
It’s coming! 
NEIL 

Thanks! The scene is the bedchamber of the 
Prince and Princess. On the right is the bed of the 

Princess and on the left is the bed of the Prince. 
[Two fairy-tale beds appear from the darkness. 
They are canopied in pink. Above them are 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 203 


flower-draped testers that rise to golden 
points. Nem and Cyntutia seat themselves 
at the piano and the pantomime begins. ] 

A Lorp or THE BepcHAMBER and a Lapy OF THE 
BEpcHAMBER enter and bow to each other osten- 
tatiously. They are followed into the room by 
two small black pages, carrying tiny bed tables. 
The one for the Princess’ bed bears a small lamp 
with a dainty shade. The Prince’s has a candle 
and shade, and a small phonograph. As the Lorp 
and Lapy examine the room the pages go out and 
return with a pillow, which is placed at the foot 
of the Princess’ bed, and a costumer, which is for 
the convenience of the Prince. The attendants 
convince themselves there are no intruders under 
the beds and depart. A clock strikes nine. 


The Prucess enters. She is very beautiful, but 
wery bored. The lovely night lures her to the win- 
dow. She goes out on the little balcony and sighs. 
She is a married Princess. -She returns to the bed- 
chamber and snappishly commands the Lavy to 
undress her. Nothing to do but go to bed! The 
Lavy draws the curtains and leaves. 

The Prince enters with his Lorp. He would 
like to be a Gay Dog Prince and he twirls his 
mustache bravely. He, too, would like to find ro- 
mance again, but here he is—a married Prince! 


204 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


A page puts las royal dressmg gown and crown 
on the costumer. The Lorp attaches curlers to 
the royal mustache and leaves the Prrurce. The 
Prince turns on the phonograph and tries to do 
his Nightly Dozen. But the night outside dis- 
tracts him. He goes to the window. It is too 
much for him. <A second attempt to exercise ts 
abandoned. He will go out to Adventure. If he 
turns the royal dressing gown inside out it should 
make a rather good disguise. He does so. The 
lining of the crown makes a serviceable cap. He 
tiptoes to the other bed. The Princess ts asleep. 
He draws the canopy across his own bed and 
steals out the window. 


CYNTHIA 
But the Princess wants to go adventuring, too. I 
know! Let’s have the moon wake her! 


NEIL 

Yes! Come on, moon! [The moon obligingly 
sends its beams across the bed of the Princess.) 
Thank you! 


The pantomime proceeds. The Princxss’ head pops 
through the draperies. It is such a beautiful 
night! She observes the closed canopy of her 
lord’s bed. He is asleep—the dull, conventional 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 205 
ee nnn unnnnesbomeenpamnineeinsnaysoasaclone 


husband. She goes to the window. What a 
might! Romance lies out there. She hesitates. 
She decides. Frightened, but determined, she takes 
a cover from her bed. An excellent shawl it makes! 
But something is wrong. She stands undecided, 
her hands touching her lovely hair. The music 
stops. 


NEIL 
We skipped a place here. We’re got to disguise 
the Princess. She mustn’t be recognized, either, you 
know. 
CYNTHIA 
Of course not. I have it! Let her put on her 
lamp-shade for a bonnet! 


NEIL 
And she can use the Prince’s candle-shade for a 
mask! 


The music starts again and the Princess dons the 
lamp-shade and puts two finger holes through the 
candle-shade. She is very happy and goes out to 
the trees and stars. There is darkness—and here 
we are in a public park nm Xanadu. There are a 
good many flowery bushes to be seen, but they are 
not noticed by the Prince, who sits, depressed, on 
a park bench, under a street lamp. A Poutce- 


206 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


MAN, @ LAMPLIGHTER and two small attendants 
enter on patrol, and sedately go about thew busi- 
ness. The Princess comes into the park. A man, 
a romantic-looking man, even if he is masked by 
that upturned coat collar! A girl, a charming 
girl, even tf she is holding a small mask before her 
eyes! She skips away, but returns. She drops her 
handkerchief. She quietly and politely sneezes. 
He springs to her aid with her handkerchief. She 
sits beside him on the bench. He plucks a rose 
from the bush behind them and offers it timidly. 
She tosses it away. The light in the lamp is much 
too bright. A mighty puff from the Prince and 
it goes out. But the Warcu returns. The lamp 
is relighted. The Prince and the Princess sit a 
little closer. He offers another rose. This time 
she accepts it. But that lamp! He has a per- 
manent solution. He breaks the lamp in two. 
Masks are not needed in the darkness, but the 
moon comes up. He waves tt away. She kisses 
him. A clock strikes five. The sun rises. The 
adventure is over. She runs away. He calls, but 
she does not answer. He picks up the rose she 
spurned. His grief is covered by considerate 
darkness. 


Once more it is the Royal bedchamber. The 
Princess creeps into the room and into bed. The 


_- 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 207 


Prince steals in a moment later. He goes to the 
Princess’ bed. Still asleep! He goes to his bed. 
The clock strikes eight. The Lorp and Lavy ar- 
rive. The pages fetch a breakfast table. The 
royal pair are awakened. They sit down to eat. 
She starts to pour her husband’s coffee. Oh, yes, 
she had forgotten! She rises and offers a cheek 
to be kissed. He mechanically obliges. They sit 
down again. But they cannot eat. The music of 
the night is still with them. They steal wistful 
looks at the window. The Princess looks at the 
rose He gave her. The Prince looks at the one 
She first refused. The flowers are stealthily put 
away. The Prince and the Princess unfold their 
napkins. It is the humdrum life once more. 

[The curtain falls, slowly. Then, slowly, the 
footlights go down, plunging the auditorium 
into complete darkness. Immediately we 
hear the verdict from the vastly Superior 
Court—sent out, as JupcE Capy had said, by 
radio. It comes, through magnifiers, from 
the rear of the auditorium, and takes the 
form of loud and derisive laughter, punctu- 
ated by cries of “Rotten!” “No good!” 
“Highbrow!” “Terrible!” In the darkness 
the curtain again rises. Seated cross-legged 
on Netu’s piano, still in the red wig and with 
a red light playing on him, is JupcEe Capy. 


208 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


As always, he is smoking a cigar. NEIL sits 
facing him on the piano stool. ] 


CADY 
[To the invisible voices. | 
Silence! [The voices stop.] Now, was that what 
you wanted to show us? 


NEIL 
Yes, sir. 
CADY 
Well, of course we don’t want to hurt your feel- 
ings, Neil, but I’m afraid it’s a little bit highbrow. 
Don’t you think so? 


NEIL 
No, sir. Not very. 


CADY 
Well, I don’t think it’s what they want. [To the 
unseen jurors.| How about it? 
[A single voice comes over the radio. It says 
““Rotten!’’ | 
CADY 
Are you ready to bring in a verdict? 


FIRST JUROR’S VOICE 
Yes, I move we bring in a verdict! 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 209 





SECOND JUROR’S VOICE 
I second the motion! 


FIRST JUROR’S VOICE 
It is moved and seconded that we bring in a ver- 
dict. Remarks? [A pause.] All those in favor say 
‘SAye.” 
CHORUS OF VOICES 
Aye! 
FIRST JUROR’S VOICE 
Opposed—“‘No?” [Pause.] The motion is 
carried. 
CADY 
Well, what sort of a verdict do you want to bring 
in? There are several kinds of verdicts. 


FIRST JUROR’S VOICE 
I move we bring in a verdict of guilty! 


SECOND JUROR’S VOICE 
I second that motion! 


FIRST JUROR’S VOICE 
It is moved and seconded that we bring in a ver- 
dict of guilty. Remarks? All those in favor say 
“Aye.” 
CHORUS OF VOICES 
Aye! 


210 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


FIRST JUROR’S VOICE 
Opposed—“No?” [Pause.] Well, I guess the 


motion’s carried. 


CADY 
See, Neil? I told you so. 


NEIL 
Well—well, what are you going to do with me? 


CADY 
This thing of using the imagination has got to 
stop. We’re going to make you work in the right 
way. You see, your talents belong to us now, and 
we’re going to use every bit of them. We’re going 
to make you the most wonderful song writer that 
ever lived. 


NEIL 
But I can’t write that kind of music! You know > 
I can’t! 
CADY 
You can do it by our system. You are sentenced 
to be at the Cady Consolidated Art Factory at eight 
o’clock tomorrow morning! 


NEIL 
Art factory? 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 211 





CADY 
At eight o’clock tomorrow morning! 

[The lights slowly dim and fade out, and in- 
stantly there is a burst of noise. Pianos are 
playing discordantly; there is the sound of 
machinery in the distance, a voice is singing a 
jazz tune, and other voices are heard in loud 
declamation. The lights go up again on a 
tier of four cells. In the first a man is dic- 
tating to a stenographer; in the second NEw 
ts working away at a piano, while a youth nm 
a belted coat and a straw hat, atilt on his 
head, sings to the accompaniment of NEt,’s 
music; in the third cell an artist works before 
an easel, and in the fourth a young man ts 
loudly reciting poetry, apparently moved to 
do so by the posturings of two other youths 
who are in the cell with him. After a mo- 
ment of this pandemonium a guide enters, fol- 
lowed by three visitors. All four are dancing 
teachers, so far as outward appearances go, 
but they are marked apart by the fact that 
the guide wears an official-looking cap, and 
the visitors carry umbrellas and. open Bae- 
dekers. The guide raises hts voice for si- 
lence; a gong sounds somewhere, and all ac- 
tivity ceases. The figures in the cages come 
down to the bars and stand waiting.] 


212 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


GUIDE 

Now this, gentlemen, is the manufacturing depart- 
ment. In this studio—[he indicates the first ]—we 
have Walter Carp Smith, the world’s greatest novel- 
ist 





NOVELIST 
[ More or less routine. | 
How are you? 
GUIDE 
[ Passing to the second cage.] 
In this studio, Neil McRae, the world’s greatest 
composer ! 
NEIL 
[ Listlessly. ] 
How are you? 
GUIDE 
[At the third cage.] 
In this one, Finley Jamison, the world’s greatest 
magazine artist! 
ARTIST 
How are you? 
GUIDE 
[At the fourth cage.] 
And in this, James Lee Wrex, the world’s great- 
est poet! 
POET 
How are you? 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 





GUIDE 
[Indicating the unseen cages beyond. ] 

The studios beyond are devoted to science and re- 
ligion. Mr. Cady was the first person in the world 
to put religion up in ten-cent packages, selling direct 
to the consumer. 


FIRST VISITOR 
You don’t say so! 


GUIDE 
He also prides himself on having the largest out- 
put of literature and music in the world. He’s going 
to open two more plants the first of the month. 
Now, would you like to see how these men work? 


FIRST VISITOR 
Yes, indeed! [Goes toward the first cage.| Did 
you say this was the novelist? 


GUIDE 
The world’s greatest. Author of more than two 
thousand published works. 


FIRST VISITOR 
What an imagination! 


GUIDE 
Yes, sir, none at all. Now if you’re ready, Pll 
show you how he works. Go! 


214 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


NOVELIST 
[Begins at once to dictate from a boon m his 
hand. | 

‘Something closely resembling a tear fell from the 
old patrician’s cheek. ‘Margaret,’ he cried, ‘the 
people of the West have learned to love you, too.’ 
‘Jackie boy,’ she whispered. ‘They have made you 
governor after all.’ Far off on the—the—” [he 
hesitates; the stenographer takes up the story.) 


STENOGRAPHER 
**__desert, the caravan faded away. Night took 


them in its arms and a great hush fell on the forest. 
99 





The two lovers 


GUIDE 
Stop! [He turns to the visitors.| There you 
are! 
FIRST VISITOR 
Was she writing it? 


GUIDE 
Oh, no! Sometimes she gets a little ahead of him, 
that’s all. 
FIRST VISITOR 


Isn’t he wonderful! 


GUIDE 
Forty-five minutes after he finishes a novel we 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 215 





have it printed and assembled and on its way to the 
movie men. 
FIRST VISITOR 
May we talk to him? 


GUIDE 
Certainly. 
FIRST VISITOR 
[T'o the novelist. ] 


I’ve enjoyed your novels very much. 


NOVELIST 
Thank you. 
FIRST VISITOR 
I see you’re writing a new one. 


NOVELIST 
Of course. JT’m under contract. 


FIRST VISITOR 
What’s that? 
[Indicating the book in the novelist’s hand.} 


NOVELIST 
It’s my last one. 
FIRST VISITOR 
But weren’t you just dictating from it, for your 
new one? 


216 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


NOVELIST 
Yes. They like it that way. 


GUIDE 
Under the old system they wrote it all new each 
time. Here—let the gentleman have it as a souvenir. 


FIRST VISITOR 
[Reading the title.] 
“Eternal Love.” What’s your new one called? 


NOVELIST 
“Love Eternal.” 
GUIDE 
Don’t forget—you’re lecturing at three o’clock at 
Wanamaker’s. 


SECOND VISITOR 
Say, will you show us how the artist works? 


GUIDE 
Certainly. What will you have—a cover or an 
advertisement ? 


SECOND VISITOR 
What’s the difference? 


GUIDE 
There isn’t any. 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 217 


SECOND VISITOR 
Well, then, I'll take an advertisement. 


GUIDE 
All right. Go! 

[The Artist draws without looking at the can- 
vas. He hands it to the guide, who hands tt 
to the visitor. The canvas is blank. | 

There you are! 


SECOND VISITOR 


What beautiful eyes! 


THIRD VISITOR 
Wonderful! 
GUIDE 
Do you want to talk to him? 


SECOND VISITOR 
Oh, thanks. I suppose it’ll be used on a magazine? 


ARTIST 
Oh, yes—thousands. 


SECOND VISITOR 


Must be worth five or six hundred dollars. 


ARTIST 
[ Bored to death. ] 
Thirty-five hundred. 


218 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


FIRST VISITOR 
You don’t say so! 


GUIDE 
And here, gentlemen, is our poet. His “Jolly 
Jingles” are printed in three million newspapers a 
day. 
FIRST VISITOR 
[Pointing to the men in back.] 
Who are those men? 


GUIDE 
Those are his models. He is the only poet in the 
world who works from living models. That’s why all 
his poetry is so true, so human. He’ll show you. 
Go! 
POET 
I will now write a friendship poem. [Motions to 
his models.| Friendliness No. 3, please. ‘Friend- 
ship.” 
[The models strike a pose, hands clasped.] 
[The poet recites. ] 
“Goodbye, old pal; hello, old pal; the greatest pal 
I ever knew. 
A dog’s your finest friend, my lad, when all the world 
is blue.” 


SECOND VISITOR 
Ain’t it human? 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 219 


GUIDE 
And here, gentlemen, is Mr. Neil McRae, Amer- 
ica’s foremost composer. 


FIRST VISITOR 


Who’s that in back? 


GUIDE 
That’s his lyric writer. You will now see how they 
work. What kind of a song will it be, McRae? 


NEIL 
A pathetic. [Sits at the piano.] 


GUIDE 
A pathetic. Go! [Net plays.] 


SINGER 
[In a horrible voice. ] 
“You’ve broken my heart like you broke my heart, 
So why should you break it again?” 
[Neit comes to the bars again.] 


GUIDE 
That will sell one and one-half million. 


SECOND VISITOR 
I suppose you write other kinds of songs, too? 


220 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


NEIL 

Oh, yes—mammies, sweeties and fruit songs. The 
ideas are brought from the inspiration department 
every hour on the hour. After I turn them into mu- 
sic they are taken to the purifying department, and 
then to the testing and finishing rooms, They are 
then packed for shipment. 


FIRST VISITOR 
A wonderful system! 


THIRD VISITOR 
I should say so! 


SECOND VISITOR 
Do you work all the time? 


NEIL 
No, the night shift comes on at eight. 


FIRST VISITOR 
How long have you been here? 


NEIL 
For years and years. 


SECOND VISITOR 
Say, will you write another song for us—just as 
a souvenir? 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 221 





NEIL 
[ Desperately. ] 
Oh, why don’t you all go away? 


GUIDE 
What’s that? What was that? You get busy 
there and write another song! 


NEIL 
No! I’ve been writing forever—I’m tired of it. 


GUIDE 
Do you want me to call Mr. Cady? 


NEIL 
I don’t care! I don’t care what you do! 


GUIDE 
I'll give you one more chance. 


NEIL 
No! I won’t! 

GUIDE 
All right, then! Mr. Cady! Mr. Cady! 

[The Guide rushes out. The visitors slink 
away. A gong sounds. Those in the cages 
huddle in fear. Mr. Cavy appears behind 
the cages. He carries a large snake whip.) 


222 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


CADY 
What’s the matter here? 


GUIDE 
McRae says he won’t go on! 


CADY 
He won’t, eh? Well, we'll see about that! 


NEIL 
I can’t go on! I’m tired! 


CADY 
What’s that got to do with it? You’ve got to go 
on! 
NEIL 
I can’t, I tell you. I can’t keep on at this sort of 
thing. 
CADY 
You know your sentence, don’t you? You’ve got 
to work our way until you die. 


NEIL 
[ Dully. ] 
Yes, I know. 
CADY 
We own you now. The family. The family owns 
you. [He falls into rhythmic measure. ] 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 223 





You take our money and you live our life, 
We own you, we own you. 
You take our money and you live our life, 
We own you, we own you. 
You take our money and you live our way, 
We pay the piper and we tell him what to play. 
You sold your soul and you can’t get away, 
We own you, we own you. 
[The Cavy family and others enter at back, and 
weave back and forth joming in the chant, 
reaching through the bars at Nett. ] 


NEIL 

Until I die! I can be free from you if I die! I 
can die! You can’t keep me from it! That’s how I 
can get away from you! Open the door! Open the 
door! 

[He shakes the door on the audience’s side of 
the cage. It opens.] 

It was never locked! [He steps out and closes the 
door. Cyntuta enters.) Cynthia, Cynthia, I’m 
free! Icandie! [Those in the background disap- 
pear.| Cynthia, how are we going to do it? 


CYNTHIA 
We'll go to an executioner. I know a good one. 
You mustn’t be afraid. It won’t hurt. [An Evecu- 


224 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


tioner appears masked, with a black robe and a huge 
paper knife.] See—it’s Jerry! 


JERRY 


Hello, Mr. McRae. [Takes off his mask and cap.] 


NEIL 
Oh, hello, Jerry! You’re going to do it, are you? 


JERRY 


Sure. [Feels the edge of his knife.] 


NEIL 
Oh, that’s good. 
CYNTHIA 
Do we have to wait long? 


JERRY 
No—yow’re next. 

NEIL 
Oughtn’t we to have a block? 


CYNTHIA 
[Moving the armchair. | 
We'll use this. It’ll be more comfortable. 


NEIL 
Oh! And you'll stay with me? 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 225 


CYNTHIA 

Always. [She stands beside him.] But it won’t 
hurt. [Atperr enters, wearing a short medical 
apron and jacket.| Albert will give you a pill. 


NEIL 


Oh, yes! Hello, Albert! 


ALBERT 
Hello, Neil! Got a glass of water? 


CYNTHIA 
[Glass of water in hand. ] 
We’re ready, Doctor. [Albert goes to the chair; 
tests its strength. ] 
ALBERT 
[To the Executioner. | 
Is the light all right? [The cabaret orchestra is 
heard in the distance. | 


JERRY 
I think so. 

NEIL 
There’s that music again. 


ALBERT 
You’re nervous, that’s all. Here! [Neru swal- 
lows a pill.| - 


226 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


CYNTHIA 
Now it can’t possibly hurt you. 


ALBERT 
[ Motions Nxiz to the chair.) 
Here we are! [Net sits.] That’s it—way back. 
[To Jerry.] Right? 


NEIL 
Shall I take off my collar? 


ALBERT 
Oh, no. There’s room, I think. 


NEIL 
Just a once-through, please. 


ALBERT 
Of course. It’ll be all over in a minute, 


NEIL 
Cynthia! 
CYNTHIA 
Yes. 
NEIL 


I was afraid you’d gone. 


CYNTHIA 
No, dear. [Jerry taps his knife on floor.) Are 
you ready, Neil? 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 227 


NEIL 
Yes, except for that music. Charles the First 
didn’t have any music. [The lights begin to fade.] 


CYNTHIA 
He’s ready, Doctor. 
NEIL 
Don’t go away, Cynthia! 


ALBERT 
All ready. [Jerry taps the knife again on the 
floor. ] 
NEIL 
Goodbye! Tl see you soon. 


CYNTHIA 
Are you comfortable? 


NEIL 

Yes. You’ll be with me always, won’t you, Cyn- 
thia? [There is darkness, save for a cloudy moving 
light on Nett. ] 


CYNTHIA 
Always. 
ALBERT 
All right. 
NEIL 


Cynthia, are you there? 


228 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


CYNTHIA 
Yes, darling. 

[There is a hum of voices. Presently one can 
discern several chanting, “You take our 
money and you lead our life.” Mrs. Cany ts 
heard saying, ““Homer’s sick.’”’” Mr. Cany is 
apparently telephoning somewhere. He ts 
shouting, “Well, I'll tell you what to do!” 
Homer’s voice repeats, “You dirty dog!” 
Guapys shrilly calls out, “He’s learning to 
dance!” The voices become a chant, finally 
unintelligible. The lights slowly go up again. 
We are back in NeEtt’s apartment. He its 
asleep in his chair. It is sunset. There is a 
knock, a real knock, on the door. | 


A NEIL 
[Half asleep. |] 
Yes? [Cynruta enters. ] 


CYNTHIA 
Is anything the matter, Neil? I thought I heard 
you talking. 
NEIL 
It didn’t hurt. Was it a success? 


CYNTHIA 
Neil, are you all right? 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 229 


NEIL 
[ Takes her hand.] 
I need you, Cynthia! 


CYNTHIA 

Oh, Neil, do you? Are you sure you do? I—I 
couldn’t stay away, Neil. I tried to, but I couldn’t. 
Because I need you, too. I just couldn’t give you 
up to anyone else on earth. 


NEIL 
Cynthia, dear. 
CYNTHIA 
It wouldn’t have worked, Neil—with those people. 
Don’t you know it wouldn’t? 


NEIL 
I think I do. 
CYNTHIA 
I’ve been sitting out on a bench in the square, try- 
ing to think out what it would mean—what it would 
do to you. 
NEIL 


I know. Widgets. 


CYNTHIA 
That would be worse for you than any amount of 
poverty. 


230 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


NEIL 
Poverty in our cottage. 


CYNTHIA 
Did you think of a cottage, too? 


NEIL 
Of course—lI lived there. 


CYNTHIA 
We could manage. I know quite a lot about rais- 
ing chickens. 
NEIL 
[ Reminiscently. | 
A little red hen and a little dun cow. 


CYNTHIA 
Yes, we might have a cow. Have you been think- 
ing about it, too? [ Rises. ] 


NEIL 

Well—let’s say dreaming. [He rises and goes to 

the desk.] It was terrible, Cynthia—do you know, 
I dreamed I was married to her? 


CYNTHIA 
To Gladys? 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 231 


NEIL 

When I thought you didn’t care, I was hurt and 
angry. And I dreamed she telephoned [Sees the 
recetver off the hook.) My God! Did she telephone! 
Oh, Cynthia, it’s real! I did do it! I did! 





CYNTHIA 
Did what? 
NEIL 
I did ask her to marry me! 


CYNTHIA 


Neil! You didn’t! And she—accepted you? 


NEIL 
Yes. 
CYNTHIA 
Oh, Neil. 
[A knock at the door. Jerry puts his head in. 
He wears a uniform somewhat like the one 
that accompanied him through the dream. | 


JERRY 

It’s me, Jerry. T’ve been ringing your phone for 
the last five minutes. Yeh, I thought so—you left it 
off the hook again. [Nem replaces the receiver.] 
The young lady that came before was waiting, so I 
brought her right up. 


232 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


GLADYS 
[In the doorway. |] 
It’s me, Neil—may I come in? [Enters.] Oh, 
hello again, Miss Mason! 


CYNTHIA 
I—I forgot my tea things. [Half choking, she 
takes up her tray of tea things. |] 


GLADYS 
Well, here we are. Isn’t it exciting! We’re en- 
gaged. 
NEIL 
Yes, 
GLADYS 
Did you have a good nap? 


NEIL 
Yes, thank you. 
GLADYS 
[Obviously something on her mind. ] 
Do you love me a lot, Neil? Enough to do me a 
great big favor? 
NEIL 
What? 
GLADYS 
It’s a big one, and maybe you won’t want to do it. 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 233 


NEIL 
What is it? 


GLADYS 

Well, it’s this way. Coming back from the dress- 

maker’s I met Walter Craig. I told you about him, 
didn’t I? He’s a boy that sort of used to like me. 


NEIL 
Oh, yes. 
GLADYS 
Now, mind you, Neil, you can say ‘‘No” to this if 
you want to, but—he said, ‘“‘What are you doing to- 
night?” Now, you won’t be angry, Neil? 


NEIL 
No, no. 
GLADYS 

Well, then he said he didn’t know any other girl 
in New York, and would I sort of play around with 
him this week. So all I wondered was—well—you 
know how a fellow is—if he thinks a girl’s engaged, 
why, he won’t come near her at all. Now mind, you 
don’t have to do it—and I won’t be a bit hurt if you 
don’t, but what I thought was—if we could start 
being engaged, say, a week from today—you wouldn’t 
mind, would you, Neil? Of course, next week, after 
we are engaged, we'll just go everywhere together. 


234 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 





NEIL 
T see. 
GLADYS 
I know a dozen people, pretty near, that’ll give big 
parties for us. It’s an awful lot of fun, being en- 
gaged. 
NEIL 
Is it? I’m afraid I wouldn’t fit in with that sort of 
thing. 
GLADYS 


Why, half the fun of being engaged is—well 





NEIL 
Gladys, just what is your idea of being engaged? 


GLADYS 
Why—lT’ve just been telling you. [Nett smiles. ] 
What’s the matter? 


NEIL 
Well, it’s just that your idea of an engagement is 
different from mine. 


GLADYS 
What +s yours? 


NEIL 
I think I’?d want to be somewhere alone, just the 
two of us, where we could talk. 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 235 


GLADYS 
Talk about what? 
NEIL 
[With a meaning look.] 
I don’t know. 
GLADYS 
You don’t mean you’d always be like that, do you? 
I mean, when you’re married? 


NEIL 
I might. 
GLADYS 
Well, where would I come in? Do you mean you’d 
expect me to sit around every evening and—just 
talk? I did think you’d be willing to—play around 
the way other people do. 


NEIL 

I see. 

GLADYS 

But, of course, if you wouldn’t—well—why—there 
doesn’t seem to be much sense in our being engaged, 
does there? 

NEIL 
It’s to be just as you say, Gladys. 


GLADYS 
Well, I don’t think we’re exactly suited to each 


236 BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 


other—if you think it over. Honestly, I don’t. Do 
your 
NEIL 
No, Gladys. 
GLADYS 

I noticed the difference the minute I saw Walter 
again! I can kind of let myself go with Walter. 
Yow’re sure you don’t think I’m a quitter? 


NEIL 
I think youw’re all right. 


GLADYS 
And we'll still be friends, won’t we? I’ve always 
thought you were nice, Neil. [She gives a sigh.] 
It’s a sort of a relief, isn’t it? 


NEIL 
Yes, it is—rather. 


GLADYS 
Well, goodbye. I’ve got to go because I left Wal- 
ter downstairs. [She departs.] 


NEIL 

Oh! [Laughs. Starts to call out.]| Cyn— 

[Looks across the hall, crosses to the piano and be- 
gins to play the music of the pantomime. | 


BEGGAR ON HORSEBACK 237 





[ After a moment Crnruia comes slowly into the 


room. | 
CYNTHIA 
[ Hesitatingly. ] 
Want me, Neil? 
NEIL 


Do I want you? [He continues playing as he hears 
her approaching. | 


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